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The 30 Most Important Ways To Get & Keep A Quality Man (And You Won’t Without Them)

One thing that really pains me as someone who educates people about dating and relationships is when I see all the bad advice out there that is given to women.  Most women get the worst advice from friends and family who aren’t experts and are just saying things that they think sound good, and even from dating coaches which really only tell women what they want to hear because they know they will make more money doing so.  The truth is that this information they are getting is hurting them, not helping them.  Because of that more women are single than ever before and this is largely due to all of the misinformation they get about dating and how to get into a good relationship with a quality man.  This is in part due to the fact that they would rather be listening to advice that sounds nice or tells them things that they want to hear rather than advice that is true and practical and works.  But eventually I suppose any of these women will have to get frustrated enough to want to actually face the facts and learn the truth about what they actually need to know and what will work.  And that is what I am going to give you here.  As a man, who can assure you from talking to thousands of other men over the years that these are the 30 things definitive things that will make or break a relationship with a man.  And coincidentally these are the 30 main things that most women are doing totally wrong in dating and I’m sure are the main causes of them not being able to get or keep a quality guy.  So here to make sure you now can, I give you the 30 do’s and don’t’s of how to get and keep a quality man.

 

 

 

The 30 Do’s & Don’t’s of How To Get & Keep A Quality Man

 

 

1.) Don’t make demands or have expectations of him that you do not live up to yourself

 

Many women like making a long list of lofty demands upon men that they themselves do not even begin to meet, and thus they end up being single as long as they cling to this list of demands. Do not be a hypocrite and expect things of a man that you do not expect of yourself.  And you should never do anything to a man that you would not want done to you.  This will be a recurring theme here.

 

 

2.) Drop your sexist double standards and don’t be a hypocrite.

 

Feminism may have indoctrinated you with these messages under the guise of female empowerment, but if you cling to them it will mean living your life as an independent person. If you do not want to be single forever, you need to drop the double standards and misandry against men.  Intelligent men don’t put up with misandry, hypocrisy, double standards, or manipulation.  They want to be treated the same way that you want to be treated, and they want a healthy relationship.  So if you want a good relationship with a good man who will treat you right, you need to follow the golden rule and treat him the way that you want to be treated.

 

 

3.) Be able to compromise (on the right things).

 

No one is perfect. You cannot objectify men and treat them as though they are supposed to be ready made robots.  You need to be able to compromise.  Quality men have flaws too.  A man is going to be between jobs at times.  A man is going to fall into poor health at times.  A man is going to have traits you may not like.  Just like you will too.  You wouldn’t want to be judged harshly and would like to be treated like a human being, so you need to do the same for him.  The whole “never settle” mantra is the mantra of the perpetually single women (who they themselves aren’t perfect either).   Compromise is an important part of making a relationship work.

 

 

4.) Do not be jaded and do not punish any new men for what past men have done to you.

 

We’ve all been hurt, wronged, heartbroken, abused, etc. Learning from your mistakes is one thing.  But if you are going to cling to your abuse and make every new partner answer for what past partners did to you, you are going to remain single.  They are not the same people, they cannot answer for what someone else did to you, and they shouldn’t have to.  Those who move on and give new partners a clean slate are the ones who can create a healthy relationship. Do not treat new partners as if they are anything like your past partners who hurt you (unless you are so sure that they are, in which case you shouldn’t be dating them and should examine your pattern of choosing bad partners more in depth, and try choosing people who aren’t like your past partners).

 

 

5.) Don’t be narcissistic.

 

Narcissists are incapable of love (for anyone but themselves, and even then, it’s not real love) and will never be able to have a real love relationship. A relationship is about two people, and if you attempt to make it revolve around you it will be disbalanced and will not be sustainable, if it ever develops at all.  Narcissism has no place in a relationship and it will never work out.  So drop the ego if you want a partnership.

 

 

6.) Break your addiction to social media and phone notifications.

 

If you cannot concentrate on a conversation with a quality man without your mind wandering to what is going on in your phone, you are not going to be able to have the types of conversations that will allow you to connect with someone enough to form a relationship. And if you are constantly on your phone during dates, quality men are not going to keep scheduling dates with you, in fact they may even leave the date and tell you to go spend time with whoever you are texting.  And if dating is important to you it is important to not be misled by all of the bad attention you might be getting from men on social media and dating apps.  Do not mistake your ability to garner male attention with an ability to get a boyfriend.  Do not mistake the kind of bad male attention that you are getting from all the men online for the type of value that is required for having a real world relationship with a quality man.  Just because you have 50 men on your phone across different platforms telling you how hot you are does not transfer into you simply being girlfriend material.  Do not allow yourself to become an external validation junky who places more importance on the external validation she gets from others on social media above building real internal validation and a sense of self, or an ability to connect her self with another person in a real intimate way.  Phone addiction is a serious addiction that causes serious problems.  And your social life is only one of them.  But it certainly is one of the main symptoms that we can all see in this day and age.  Women who are addicted to their phones and the attention they get from lots of random men on them can not focus on connecting with one quality man.  If you want a relationship you need to be able to spend long periods of time focused on one person and give them your undivided attention.

 

 

7.) Take initiative.

 

Do not fall into a passive female gender role and wait for good men to come to you and make all of the moves and do all of the work to make a relationship happen. Good men do not come to those who wait.  If you want a good man you have to take initiative to find one and help to cultivate a relationship with him.  Relationships require the efforts of two people to make them happen.  Don’t be afraid to approach men who you want to talk to, and ask them for their phone number if you want to keep talking to them.  Don’t be afraid to text or call. Don’t be afraid to make plans.  Don’t be afraid to make a move on him if you feel like it.  Don’t be afraid to have conversations geared towards intimacy and relationship development.  If you do not and are waiting for him to do all of these things, your chances of them happening are far less.  I’ve heard of women who refuse to text first or ask a man out…and these women end up talking to and spending time with the men they want far less because of it.  Relationships are a two way street, they just won’t happen if the man is the only active participant.  You have a 50-100% better chance of developing the relationship you want when you are taking initiative to make it happen.

 

 

8.) Domesticate yourself.

 

If the men you date are doing most of the cooking and cleaning that will seriously limit your relationship prospects. A man is not going to want to ever be in a domestic relationship with you if he realizes that during the entirety of it he is going to be cooking for not only himself but you as well, and cleaning up after not only himself but you as well.  A good man wants to build a home with someone, not build a home for someone.

 

9.) Eat right and get to the gym daily.

 

If you are looking for a tall muscular attractive guy who looks good because he takes good care of his body, you need to take good care of yourself so that you can be at that same level of healthy fit attractiveness. And unfortunately for women time is not on your side like it is for men, and without proper self care your physical health and thus your appearance is going to suffer and it will be difficult for you to procure a healthy fit mate.   We all know what is healthy and what isn’t.  And if you don’t, I’ll break it down. Fruits and vegetables are healthy, everything else isn’t.  You should be eating more healthy food than unhealthy food.  And you should be exercising for at least 30 minutes a day.  If you cannot devote 1/48th of your day to exercise so that you can be healthy that is seriously unreasonable, as is expecting to get a healthy man.

 

10.) Be feminine.

 

If you want a masculine man don’t be a masculine woman. Masculine men want feminine women, not masculine ones.  That’s the bottom line.  This does not mean being a damsel in distress or falling into some old fashioned passive disempowered female gender role.  But it does mean having a certain ladylike fashion about yourself that is what gives women their sex appeal to heterosexual men.  And it doesn’t have to be any one way, there are a lot of different ways to express your femininity.  Just make sure you do so through your own personal style.

 

 

11.) Let him be the man

 

Do not emasculate him. Do not try to reverse the gender roles.  If you want a good man, you need to let him be a man.  Do not tell him that his masculinity is toxic.  Do not stop him from behaving like a gentleman and tell him that chivalry is sexist.  Do not try to play a more Dominant role and try to get him to be more submissive.  Do not try to get him to be more metrosexual.   Do not try to get him to be more feminine under the guise of getting in touch with his feelings and expressing himself.   Let him be masculine.  Let him be Dominant.  Let him be the protector.  Let him be the man.  Let him play a generally traditionally masculine gender role in the relationship.  This doesn’t mean that he will have to be macho or that he can’t be progressive in some ways.  But you can not take away his manliness from him.  If you do, not only will the relationship become imbalanced and unsustainable, but you are sure to lose your attraction to him anyways.

 

 

12.) Be responsible for yourself and don’t confuse a relationship with a sponsor or father.

 

Men are not there to pick up your student loans or other debt or pay your bills, and the ones who are willing to do so aren’t looking for a healthy relationship, they are looking for a sugar baby who they will treat like a prostitute. When boiled down, could your dates be summed up as a transaction in which a man does certain things for you or pays for certain things for you, and then you give him sex in return (and if he doesn’t provide you would withdraw your sexual attention)?  If that could be the case, this is what is called a transactional relationship, it is not healthy, it is prostitution.  You can not have a healthy relationship from a transactional prostitution based paradigm.  You need to be responsible for your own bills and not expect a man to act like your sugar daddy, or your actual father.  A man who is looking for a partner is going to see this as a big giant red flag and will not want to partner with someone who they can’t build with financially but will only be subtracting from what they are building.

 

 

13.) Do not take advantage of him and take him for granted.

 

If a man is making valuable contributions to your life and your relationship with him, he needs to be appreciated for doing so, and have those contributions reciprocated. A quality self respecting man will not be taken for granted or taken advantage of. He will leave you if he feels you are doing this to him.  So show him appreciation and reciprocate for the contributions he makes to you.

 

 

14.) Learn to vet men properly

 

If you are continuously finding yourself with the wrong man it is probably because you are not vetting men properly and so quality men are slipping through your fingers or going overlooked while you waste your time and energy on bad men. This does not mean imposing a list of expectations up front, it means getting your priorities straight, knowing what red flags look like, knowing what a good character looks like and what kind of men make a healthy relationship work, and getting to know men deeply over time to see if they fit.

 

 

15.) Don’t ignore red flags.

 

If a man is not right for you there will be red flags to show it, do not ignore them simply because he may be a good provider or may look nice. Just because he is hot and is paying for things doesn’t mean you should ignore the fact that he is sinking his hooks in and causing you to become codependent upon him.

 

 

16.) Don’t compromise character for looks.

 

A man being exceptionally good looking does not mean you should spend time with him building a relationship, and you should not forgive bad character traits or overlook red flags simply because of this. Character should matter more than looks.

 

 

17.) Communicate well and treat him with the same respect you want.

 

This should go without saying, and yet it really does need to be said. Relationships are built on communication. If you do not communicate well you are not going to be able to build one, and will need to learn some communication skills first.  Relationships also mean having to have difficult conversations, which even for people who are naturally good at communicating is a skill of its own that needs to be learned.  Conflict resolution skills are key for a sustainable relationship.  And you always need to treat him with respect when communicating, even when you are in an argument.  And when you are first dating a good man, if you want things to develop into a relationship, politeness is very powerful.

 

 

18.) Learn some healthy relationship skills.

 

Relationships don’t come naturally, you aren’t going to make one happen, or make it healthy and successful, without the skill set necessary.

 

 

19.) Learn advanced sexual skills

 

If you want a man to commit to you long term, and only you, and have him stay loyal for the entirety of the relationship, you need to be a better lover than the other women out there. If he won’t get better sex from anyone else there will be no chance of cheating.

 

 

20.) Do not try to make him jealous

 

Many women like to think that a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship, but it is not, it is toxic, and will create drama and destroy your relationship. If you have a man who has jealousy issues and gets jealous about you having any other men in your life that is one thing.  But many women actually do things to make the men they are dating jealous in order to test them to see if they care, or simply because they like the feeling of making a man jealous over them.  This is an excessively bad idea and you should not do it, ever.  And even if this is not your intention, be aware of what might make him jealous.  Flirting with other men in front of him may seem harmless to you, but it very well may not be.  In fact it is disrespectful to someone who you like and want to develop a relationship with, and makes them feel like you have eyes for other men and should not be thought of as a relationship prospect.  Additionally, keeping orbiters around you or letting men give you sexual attention or pursue you without announcing to them that you are already dating someone and not interested in dating someone else and drawing a boundary is a dangerous thing to do.  Yes we know that if you are an attractive woman men are always going to be hitting on you, that is not the problem and if you are in a relationship your boyfriend should be able to trust you to talk to other men who may flirt with you and expect you not to flirt back or lead them on to think that they might be able to get anywhere with you.  There is an important distinction to make here with trustworthy vs. untrustworthy responses to male sexual attention.  Are you telling them you are taken and drawing boundaries when they do or are you letting them think that they have a chance with you?  Because if the latter is true and you are dating someone who finds out about it, it will look like you do not intend to be monogamous with him.  Many women enjoy male attention and having bench warming suitors for in case their relationship falls through the cracks, but this very well may lead to it falling through the cracks.  If you are developing a relationship with someone and they were to happen to find this out they will doubt your ability to be loyal to him and will not want to be so with you.  All in all, if you want an exclusive relationship with a man you should not be giving him any reasons to think that you are not capable of one, or not interested in one with him and only him.  Do not do anything that might make him think you might be interested in other men if you want to develop a relationship with him.  Otherwise you may find him giving his attention to other women too.

 

 

21.) Build Trust

 

If you want a healthy sustainable relationship that will be committed and successful you need to build trust. If a man has any real doubts they are going to prevent him from committing if he is intelligent.   Building trust means being completely open and honest, it means being congruent with your words and actions, it means being consistent and not flip flopping a lot, it means being dependable.  If a man doesn’t think he can expect he can trust you or can’t rely upon you to speak the full truth, or to follow through on your word, he probably won’t want to commit to you long term.  This also means not having anything significant to hide from him, yes you are allowed privacy, but certain secret keeping is a form of dishonesty or deception, such as having an affair.  So if you are not being honest and open with him, you are not ready for a relationship.  And being honest and open about some things and not others does not count.  If you are not ready to fully reveal yourself to your partner, you are not ready for a relationship.  If you have anything to hide from him and would not want him finding certain things out about you or for instance seeing certain parts of your apartment or phone, you are not ready for a relationship.  If he can not rely upon you, you are not ready for a relationship.  The topic of trust is so important and large that it actually contains sub-topics that are the subject of my next points, which are additional ways that you can build trust.

 

 

22.) Be genuine

 

Be an honest person if you want an honest relationship.  Do not be deceptive.  Do not be fake.  Do not wear a mask and pretend to be someone you are not in order to get him to like you.  Do not lie about anything, even little white lies.  Do not be deceptive with your appearance.  Do not use selective memory.   Speak your truth 100%.  If you bring dishonesty into the relationship, it becomes an unhealthy relationship.

 

 

23.) Hold yourself to your word

 

Your word should mean what it is supposed to mean. Saying one thing and then doing another is the same as lying.  Saying one thing and then saying something else is also lying. If your word is meaningless do not expect a man to cosign on any contracts with you.

 

 

24.) Do not play games and try to manipulate him

 

Good men are above games and too smart for manipulation. They will call you out on it when it starts and leave if it continues.  You are not going to be able to manipulate your way into a relationship and having power over a quality man.  It’s either a healthy partnership or he will leave.

 

 

25.) Do not be flakey and deal with your commitment issues

 

If you are flaking constantly the man is eventually going to stop making dates with you. If you have commitment issues they are going to interfere with your ability to develop a relationship and you simply cannot expect yourself to get into a committed partnership because you are going to get in your own way every time you might be able to.  You need to deal with these issues.

 

 

26.) Deal with intimacy and attachment issues

 

In order to have a healthy relationship you need to be able to pair bond properly, which means that you need to be capable of healthy intimacy and attachment. Unfortunately most people are not which is why they are unable to pair bond.

 

 

27.) Get a therapist

 

After any failed relationship before getting into a new one you should really work with a therapist on any issues that caused your last relationship to fail that might cause your next one to fail as well, and any thing else you need to work on that might also get in the way, especially the aforementioned issues. If you have not seen a therapist to deal with any emotional issues you may have, there’s almost a 100% chance that they are going to prevent your next relationship from being healthy and sustainable.  No amount of internet research or talking to your peers about them is going to be enough.   There’s no shame in going to therapy, rather the opposite.

 

 

28.) Don’t complain about him to your peers

 

If you have any gripes about him, do not complain about him to people who you both know, or anyone who he may need to get to know and have a relationship with in the future. Poisoning your friends and families perception of him by complaining to them about every little thing he does that you do not like is a great way to limit your future potential with him.  This is because if you poison their perception of him it is going to form a negative feedback loop and become a vicious circle in which they will respond negatively about him to both you and others who they talk to, and maybe even him, and it will come back to poison your relationship by not only sowing seeds of doubt in your mind where there ought to be none, but by having him feel like suddenly everyone you know is against him, which will sow seeds of doubt in his mind as well.  You may think that you are harmlessly venting about him to people who are supposed to be supportive of you but this toxic social paradigm can be quite detrimental to a relationship, and is not necessary or helpful to you in any way.  Any real issues you have with him should be discussed with a professional who can help you properly evaluate if the relationship is healthy or not.  But as for there being things you do not like about him, it’s a given, no one is going to fully conform to your liking, that doesn’t mean you need to talk about them behind their back and complain about them to others so that those people will then think of them more negatively and not be able to relate to them as well.

 

 

29.) Don’t rush

 

Relationships take time to develop. Don’t try to rush it and expedite it simply because you have relationship goals.  There is simply no way to fast track a relationship if you expect it to be real, or healthy, or sustainable.  If you want a real relationship that is going to be healthy and sustainable you need to take your time getting to know him fully and completely and let the relationship develop naturally out of that.  You won’t know for sure if you are right for each other until you have been dating for at least 6 months or more, depending of course on how much you are actually getting to know each other and the content of the conversations you are having in that time.  Just having fun with someone for 6 months is not enough to know if you are a good fit.  So if you have been keeping it light and casual it will take much longer than that.    Even if you are in your mid to late thirties and you want to start a family before it is too late, trying to rush a relationship will only sabotage it.   And make sure that you are not being clingy and are giving him space to meet you in the middle as well.

 

 

30.) Be ready willing and able to do relationship work

 

Every relationship is going to have issues if it lasts long enough. The longer it lasts, the more likely it is for there to be some problems along the way.  It’s just a matter of simple probability.  If you are looking for a long term or lifetime relationship you simply cannot expect it to last that long without there being any problems.  When you are signing up for a long term partnership, what you are really signing up for is doing relationship work to make that relationship work.  Just ask any old married couple about the problems that they have had to deal with in their decades together and they will tell you.  So be prepared to deal with problems and do conflict resolution, as stated earlier.  And luckily with proper conflict resolution skills and other relationship skills and working on your relationship together it should be mostly successful.  However some big issues that you might encounter here and there can only be solved with the help of a professional.  Even with conflict resolution skills some problems may just be too great, or too emotional, or you may be too close to them to be objective enough, or just not possess enough expertise to solve them.   So if you want your relationship to last a lifetime, especially if you are or want to be married, you need to be ready to deal with any problems you may face in the most expert ways.  Otherwise those problems will mean the end of your relationship.  So this means seeing a relationship counselor who can help you work these things out together so that doesn’t happen.  This is actually something that used to be required in a marriage before any divorce proceedings, and should still be the case.  Some problems can only be solved with a professional.

 

 

Pretty shocking how this goes entirely against everything you have heard from the mainstream girl power narrative of just doing whatever you want and saying screw what men think, and just hoping that a guy who will accept you for are your terrible behaviors will somehow show up, and that you’ll somehow be attracted to such a low status spineless excuse of a man, huh?  I know that many women will not want to accept these things because its always harder to accept that the harder way of doing something is the right way and that its not going to be as easy as you thought.  And I know that some feminists may have a bone or two to pick with this list even though there’s nothing misogynistic about it, this is simply what having a healthy successful relationship with a man relies upon on the woman’s end.  I know it’s not what you want to hear, but its what you need to hear.  It’s never easy to learn that you have been doing so many things that are self defeating, but at least now you know and you can change those behaviors and finally get and keep a real high quality man instead of just having one night stands with hot chads you meet at the bars or having to settle for low status losers who don’t really do it for you.  Doing things this way may not be easy but nothing valuable comes easily, and if you want a high value man you have to be able to put in some effort into developing a real good relationship with him and making it work and be successful.  And it will be worth it, which is exactly why it needs to be done right, because just like any woman who considers herself high value she is not going to tolerate any low life guy who doesn’t treat her the way she wants to be treated.  A healthy successful relationship is a two way street.  And if you want one of those, and with a quality man, this is how to get one (and keep it).

 

And if you would like any personal one on one help with your dating life and getting the love life you want with the guy of your dreams be sure to reach out to me at info@truelifedevelopment.com  And otherwise good luck!

 

 

 

 

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