Socialite Manners 101 – The Unwritten (But Now Written) Rules Of Being A Successful Socialite
Over the course of my life I have noticed that there are a successful socialite person who is welcomed everywhere they go and able to make friends with just about anyone. These rules are taught from childhood by high society or socialite parents, and sometimes by higher status individuals to lower status individuals when inviting them to social functions, or sometimes teachers or friends, but without having one of these people in your life to teach you how to function socially in situations where your manners really matter, you are bound to do something rude or offensive, or that shows low status or that you do not know how to function socially in these types of situations and probably do not get invited to many social functions of their nature. Thus showing bad social manners at any type of social function will most always cause you to not get invited to any like them in the future. This makes you socially unsuccessful and thus you will have low social status.
The people who will always get invited and welcome everywhere they go and who are viewed with favor from those who know them and want to have them around are the ones who have good manners because of being well socialized and taught how to function like a good social person. Thus they become very socially successful and develop high social status, and a lot of what is called “social currency”, which is another word for social resourcefulness due to their high social favor among others. Thus the more of these unwritten rules they know and follow the more successful they will be as a socialite, and the more they will be welcome wherever they go. This is how high society people act and behave, they have certain manners that are required for membership in the high class.
I have made a point of observing these unwritten rules that make up the good manners of a successful socialite and writing them down for you so that you too can be just as successful socially and welcome by others everywhere you go. These will include just the basics of how to behave in any common social situation or function you may find yourself at. This will not include more specialized social situations such as dating & courtship or the strictly professional environment which are covered elsewhere in True Life Relationships, and it will not cover the finer points of etiquette which are only applicable to very specific situations. But these will give you the basic definitive all purpose guidelines for all general social events and situations such as meetings, parties, etc. Welcome to charm school.
Basic Essential Good Manners
Be friendly & you will be received well
Be respectful to be respected
Use proper English when speaking to someone & communicate as clearly as you possibly can
Make eye contact as much as possible when speaking to someone
Try to do more talking than listening, and practice active listening to make sure you are understanding the person you are listening to
Make requests politely by saying something along the lines of “may I please” or “could you please”
Say thank you whenever someone does anything for you, show appreciation where it is due
Apologize for anything that it may be appropriate for, even if you do not feel you are entirely wrong
Open and hold doors for anyone who is walking into a building behind you
Always be civil when disagreeing with someone, be able to disagree and have a discussion about it without arguing
Avoid conflict and be the one to resolve it when it arises
Always dress appropriately for the specific place you are going and make sure not to over or under dress
Keep your phone off during social engagements
Don’t be pretentious, don’t just talk too much about yourself
Try not to forget people’s names, this is a faux pa
It is rude to ignore people, even via text or instant messenger
Do not speak in a manner that would make someone feel inferior or of lesser intelligence
Don’t say anything you think might be offensive, if you need to say something find a non-offensive way to say it
Avoid gossip, lying, social manipulation and game playing, drama and other such bad social behaviors
Know how to “read the room” and be able to act accordingly, sometimes something that is appropriate in one situation is rude and embarrassing in another.
Meeting Others For The First Time
Introduce yourself quickly to anyone new who comes up to you
Look someone in the eye and smile when meeting them for the first time.
Give a proper handshake by extending your hand for a handshake, clasp their hand warmly and firmly in yours and pump 2-3 times while making eye contact and doing introductions. Do not squeeze too hard or soft.
When doing introductions make sure to say their name aloud after they give it in order to signal name recognition, letting them know that you now know their name, and also checking for correct pronunciation. Then announce your name clearly and confidently making sure that they hear it properly. Without getting each other’s name right you are not yet contacts.
When first speaking with someone it is most appropriate to ask them the following types of questions, largely because they are also the most conducive to conversation:
“What do you do?”
“How do you know each other?”
“What brings you here?”
Observational questions about what they are holding, wearing or doing
After introductions, once you are in a personal conversation with someone, the next most appropriate questions to ask them are:
How did you come into your line of work?
Where did you go to school?
Where did you grow up?
What kind of hobbies and interests do you have
Avoid the following topics until you are acquainted enough to know that they would enjoy speaking about them:
Social Issues, Problems in life/the world, any negative topics
Avoid asking questions that are too personal too soon
It is always best to compliment or give some sort of positive feedback to someone soon after meeting them
Avoid saying anything negative to anyone soon after meeting them, in fact it is best to avoid negative feedback until you know someone very well, and only give it when asked
Don’t overshare about yourself too soon after meeting someone, pace yourself with the personal information you give, don’t tell them your whole story when they are first asking about you, always leave them wanting to get to know you more
After meeting someone, introduce them to anyone else who is with you who you know the name of
Basics Of Social Networking
Be in control of your leads – don’t wait for others to follow up with you or invite you out, you must be proactive
Follow up within the next few days of meeting someone
Verbal conversations are where the best communication happens
Exchange business cards with people
Offer value before asking for it, look for ways you can help others
Practice reciprocity when others do anything for you
Be a social connector, introduce anyone who may benefit from meeting in any way & be sure to say positive things about each person to the person they are meeting
Your social identity is your reputation, always make a good impression
When you want something from someone, appeal to their ego
Do not be too “salesy” in social situations, only use your social life for selling to the extent that people seem perfectly comfortable with it, be careful with selling in your social life because it can poison it and people will stop inviting you to social functions for fear of your trying to sell to them
When Going Out
Invite people out with you
When visiting a bar or club with a security guard, take some time to get acquainted with them and make them feel appreciated, this will ensure that you can get in ahead of others when there is a line, and that the security guard will keep an eye out for you if ever need be.
Also when visiting a bar ask if anyone in your group would like anything periodically
Be friendly with your servers and you will get better service for you and your entire party
Be socially open and outgoing social person, don’t be afraid to go out of your way to meet new people constantly
Find out who is in charge of the establishment’s you frequent and be sure to meet them
Make sure everyone has a good time and you will be remembered for it
Introduce people to each other and you will be viewed as a popular and high status person
When Going Out To Dinner
Practice good table etiquette
Sitting up to the table
Using the silverware properly and putting them down neatly between bites
Placing the napkin on your lap and using it to dab your mouth consistently especially if you have facial hair
Wait to start eating until everyone is ready to do so
Do not take big bites, cut all food that is not already bite sized, including your salad.
When ordering yourself a drink ask if anyone else would like to have one with you
When pouring alcohol it is appropriate and positive to make a small toast for any reason and do cheers with others
The check goes to the eldest male
If you didn’t pay for a dinner bill consider still leaving a tip if you got good service
Tip generously, especially at places where you are a regular, and over time you will become a preferred customer and will be given special treatment
As A Guest In Someones Home
Ask if you should remove your shoes when you enter someones home, if not, make sure you wipe your shoes off well
Only enter someones home and the rooms or areas within it when invited, only enter areas you have been invited, and if you are unsure if whether you are allowed in an area always ask before entering. This includes the bathroom, even though permission to go to it is already implied along with the invitation inside the home itself, you still must ask permission to go to the bathroom as a formality, and make sure you ask directions to it so you do not wander into any of the other rooms.Don’t open any doors you are not sure what is behind, someone could have a BDSM Sex dungeon behind one of them and stumbling into it could be quite embarrassing.
Take a moment to get to know the homeowner/head of household when going to someones home, if they are not the person who invited you.
Unless someone does have a nice home, it is good manners to say something positive about someones home when they invite you into it
If someone feeds you be sure to thank them even if the food is not good, but if it is good also be sure to compliment them on it
Make sure to thank your hosts for inviting you over at some point before you leave, and make sure to do this with both the person who invited you inside, as well as the person who owns the home or is the head of household (assuming they are two different people, which they often are).
When Inviting Someone Into Your Home
Make sure your home is presentable, clean, comfortable, well lit, airy, etc.
Offer them something to drink and never let their glass stay empty for very long
Offer them a comfortable seat and make sure that they are comfortable throughout their visit
Ask them what type of music they enjoy before putting on music that you enjoy, and the same goes for any other forms of entertainment
If they are staying for a while eventually you should offer them some snacks or food of some sort, and you should never eat in front of others without offering them some
Whenever you are returning to the kitchen ask if anyone needs anything
It is good to have some form of entertainment lined up, it is the hosts job to entertain the guests and prevent awkward silences
Walk them to the door when they leave and make sure they know where they are going, if it is night time turn on your outside lights for them.
When Attending A Party Or Large Social Event
Show up early and offer to help set up if you can
Smile & make eye contact and introductions with everyone
Find out who owns the home and is hosting the party and be sure to get to know them and show your appreciation for hosting the party
Ask the host if there is anything you can help with periodically
When going to get yourself a drink offer to get one for whoever you are speaking with at the time
If you are going to smoke offer anyone with you a cigarette or cigar before you light yours, and offer anyone who needs one a light
Keep alcohol consumption moderate at most
If possible stay late and offer to help clean up. The people who stay latest at a party are usually the “inner circle” of a social network, and are usually worth spending time getting to know and establishing a relationship with.
Thank the friend who invited you to the party as well as the host of it for having you.
If you follow these rules you will be able to become easily likable and have your presence enjoyed by everyone you meet, and you will be able to be a very successful socialite and thus give you high social status and lots of social currency that will make you a very successful person in all aspects of life. So enjoy being social and be sure to check out the rest of the great Social Science and Social Networking materials I have for you at True Life Relationships. And if you want to really learn how to generate social currency and raise your social status be sure to check out my Social & Business Networking 101 Masterclass workshop series by clicking this link here now. This program will teach you everything you need to know about Social Networking to get you the social life of your dreams! And if you have any questions be sure to email me at Info@TrueLifeDevelopment.com and otherwise enjoy getting the life of your dreams!
This article has been an excerpt from the True Life Relationships – Complete Social & Sexual Mastery System book, get your copy on amazon here!