10 Big Mistakes All Men Make That Kill Chemistry and Destroy Your Chances With Women And How To Fix Them!

Introduction

It’s no secret that most men do not understand women very well, and thus they have very little idea about what they are doing when they try to get women.  Even the men who are good looking themselves, or think they are good with women often actually are not, and will fail and get rejected time and time again because of the mistakes they make.  For in fact ALL men have 10 common general mistakes that they make with women.

These 10 mistakes are so common because of a number of things: the way men are socially conditioned and made to think this is how they are supposed to act with women, a lack of understanding of women and thinking that what works on themselves should work on a woman, being taught the wrong things by parents and peers, which used to work or may work in theory but actually do not in the real world of today, and sometimes just having limiting mindsets.  Unfortunately any time that even one of these common mistakes come up in an interaction with a woman it will kill all chemistry you had with her, all of attraction she had for you, and destroy any chances you had with her.  For these are the things that most rejections are due to.

My name is Brian Krall, I am a Social Scientist, Relationship Development Specialist and Sexual Educator.  Basically, I help people get dates so that they can have sex.  But I know all of these things that I teach not just from studies and field research, but from practice, and life experience.  You see I used to be very bad with women, and had to learn how to be good with them the hard way.  I was never blessed with any kind of good conditions that allowed me to get women naturally.  I was always the socially awkward one in school, and was teased and rejected by most women I admired.  It wasn’t until later in life through study and practice that I was able to figure out what caused men such as myself to fail with women, and how to correct these problem patterns so that we can live in abundance with women.  Which I very much do now, and have helped countless men to do in my company True Life Relationships, where I teach dating and sexuality, and help men to get better dates with better mates and better sexual relationships.

Its very likely that every time a woman has turned you down in the past was due to one of these big mistakes that most men make.  And don’t feel bad for making any of them, because as I said they are very common, so you are not alone.  And you don’t have to worry because after reading this special report you won’t be making them anymore.  Here in this document I am going to teach you exactly what these 10 mistakes are and why they happen and hurt you so bad with women, but also how to fix them so that you never have to fail or get rejected with women again and can finally get the ones that you want.  As you read this you may even find yourself remembering times in the past when you may have done these things and then have a woman reject or hurt you, and realize that was why.  So as I teach you each of these 10 mistakes, try to take an inventory of yourself and your life to make sure you are aware of which ones you ever do, even a little, because even the slightest amount of just one of these will seriously hinder your chances with the women you want and prevent you from getting very far with them.  But as long as you are honest with yourself and can go over your behaviors using this report, you can correct them and achieve the sex life you have always dreamed of.  So that being said, let’s get into it!

1.) Having Limiting Mindsets And Negative Stereotypes Towards Women

Have you ever thought to yourself “Women are such bitches!”…

Having a bad attitude towards women is the biggest thing that prevents most men from connecting with women sexually.  In fact most men feel in some way that their way of doing things is right and women’s is wrong.  It could be thinking that women are silly or stupid; or that they are overly emotional, or that they care about the wrong things, or that they are “bitches”.  Whatever the case most men have some form of negative thoughts about women in general at some point in their lives.  Think about it: how many times have you and your buddies complained about women and acted as though the way you do things is better?  These attitudes are common and can border on misogyny.  And while I’m not here to preach to you about feminism or anything like that, I am here to tell you what is holding you back with women and this is the first thing.  And women can sense when you have a bad attitude towards them and it repels them, because they know that there are some very bad reasons for it…

You see these attitudes are really coming from you being jaded and having pain and anger towards women from the times they have hurt, rejected, or frustrated you in the past.  And women know this and can sense when a man has that.  And they can tell when you don’t respect the female gender and have some sort of sexist attitude that says that women are stupid or whatever it is that you might be saying with your buddies…you see women pick up on these vibes very easily.  And they are quick to reject men like that because they know that those men actually have emotional and sexual issues with women and wouldn’t make very good sexual partners or treat them well…and that you are actually a very needy and low value man who has never gotten over past break ups or rejections, and needs women’s approval to be validated and feel good about yourself and when you don’t receive it you get bent out of shape and take it out on females in general.  Women avoid men like that like the plague, because they can be abusive.

So first and foremost, make sure that above all you make sure that you have taken care of any limiting mindsets, anger, pain and resentment, or sexual/emotional issues you have towards women in general…otherwise nothing you could possibly do will work because that pain and anger from your past hurts and frustrations will come through and poison your future interactions.  If you want women to respond to you positively you absolutely must be going into your interactions with them with a positive mindset.  Makes sense doesn’t it?  You are going to receive back whatever you project, even if its subconscious, so make sure its positive.

All you have to do is know and trust that women are not all bad, and are not always going to frustrate and hurt you.  In fact, the more positive your outlook on them the more positive your interactions and relationships will be, and you will realize that women are actually generally good to you and give you pleasure.  Just so long as you have good intentions towards them.

So now let’s move on to the second one…

2.) Using outdated social protocols and gender roles

Have you ever thought to yourself “This is what a man is supposed to do”…and not had it actually work out in dating?

Many of us are taught by our parents about what a man is supposed to be.  And we are forced into this contrived male gender role that is actually not natural, or helpful.

Our parents come from an era where boys were taught to be a “gentleman”.  To open doors for women and pull out their chairs, and to “ask them out” and take them out on formalized “dates”, buy them flowers, etc etc.  And all of these traditions are obsolete.  In all actuality they come from a time when women did not have rights, and were treated in this manner because of that.  Women were supposed to be treated like possessions, since if they were to marry you, that’s what they would basically be to you.  So you needed to show her how much you would take care of her by doing these little gestures, since women were not allowed to do much for themselves.

However, fast forward today, and women are very strong independent creatures, and do not respond well to such things.  If you ask a woman out on a formalized dinner date she is going to feel put on the spot and awkward, and will usually say no, or often “I’ll get back to you” and then never actually do so.  In the rare case a woman does accept an invitation to a formal date dinner, she will often change her mind and flake on you, or will go but just for the food.  Because these formal dates of old were simply job interviews for women to be given the position of house wife.  And no woman wants that position anymore, and certainly doesn’t want to be spending time with someone in a situation where she feels like she’s being interviewed, as well as having to abide by a bunch of formalities that do not make her comfortable at all.  I mean think about it, formal dates are super awkward.

Besides you aren’t actually asking women out on “dates” because you want to; you are doing it because you think you are supposed to due to your social conditioning.  However, what you really want is the same as what women really want.  To spend time together as equals getting to know each other, seeing if there is chemistry, and then progressing from there.  And ideally this is done in a variety of situations:  a group setting, a shared activity based on a mutual interest, or just hanging out at one of your apartments.  That is what women do with people they actually want to spend time with.  Not on formalized job interviews.

So relax.  You don’t have to “ask women out” anymore and take them out to an expensive restaurant or anything like that.  And you also do not have to meet for coffee.  These kinds of dates are unoriginal, contrived and force you into interview mode.  It is best to have an activity to do together.  Be yourself and have fun.  That is what women want.

And the same goes for any other social protocols and gender roles that are considered “traditional” for the “gentleman” and “lady”.  It’s not the 1950’s anymore.  It is 2015.  Most women do not even want doors opened for them anymore, and they certainly do not want to feel like they have to behave like a “lady”.  They want to be themselves.  Women are sexual.  They won’t feel the need to wait 3 dates for a kiss or 5 dates for anything sexual to happen.  They won’t make you pick them up from their house and take them out to fancy dinners and pay for everything and buy them gifts before they put out.  They are going to make their own choices, and will choose to spend time on you based on if you have anything interesting to say or do.  Not based on your acting like a gentleman and treating them like a lady and thus being obligated to continue courting you.

Women do not want an old school gentleman or old school courtship.  They want a man who is polite and socially savvy, sure.  But they do not want a man who talks and acts like men did 65 years ago.  They want a modern man who is socially intelligent respects their strength independence and knows how to socially calibrate to it.  They want someone exciting, cool, fun and sexy.  And what was considered attractive in the 50’s for a man has greatly evolved.  You can be attractive while playing out any variety of male gender roles these days, as long as you know how to talk to women and behave around them.  Which means not treating them like objects that can be earned if you just go through the motions of certain social protocols.  I’m sorry if that’s what your parents taught you, but it’s a new generation now and those days are long gone.

So just know that you do not have to act like the “perfect gentleman” in order to get women, you can just be yourself and act in a way that is true to you and how you feel in that moment, and she will appreciate you for that, and have sex with you if she wants to.

But this brings me to my next mistake that many men make, even when not playing out obsolete gender role social protocols…

3.) Trying to buy or earn their attention and affection

Have you ever thought to yourself “Maybe I should offer to buy her a drink” or “Maybe I should buy her flowers”…

Even men who don’t fancy themselves old fashioned “Gentlemen” are still trying to buy women’s attention and affection in various ways.  This is done most commonly through men offering to buy a woman a drink at a bar to try to get her to give you a few minutes of her time and talk to you…or it could be by purchasing a woman other gifts such as flowers or jewelry or random cute little objects to try to buy their affections, or by buying them dinners or taking them out on other expensive dates with the expectation of them putting out….But it could also be done by trying to earn their affections through doing things for them, such as paying them compliments or doing nice things for them, helping them in any variety of ways be it with their car or by acting as counselor who helps them with their problems.

There are a number of ways that men treat women like objects to be earned or bought, and have a variety of different means of trying to purchase or earn their time, attention, and affections.  In actuality this is objectifying women and treating them like prostitutes, and rarely ever works on women, because it is not attractive or a sign of social value, it is a sign of someone who does not find themselves valuable enough of a person to be able to attract a woman with his personality, so he has to do all of these things to compensate for that.  It is actually needy low value behavior that kills any attraction or chemistry you may have had with a woman.  She will of course accept all of your gifts and gestures…wouldn’t you if someone was showering you with them?  How could you refuse?   But it doesn’t mean you would have sex with them.  She will consider you no more than a friend at best, but probably more like a beneficiary.  Not the type of person she would ever have sex with.

I mean think about it, would you have sex with a woman who was trying to get your attention and buy or earn your affections in all of these ways?  No of course not, even if she was attractive they would just be a sign of her lower value.  You wouldn’t turn down the free stuff they were offering you, but it would certainly feel very weird to have sex with them just because they had bought you things…not only would it feel like prostituting yourself, but something just feels wrong when a person feels they need to do all of those kinds of things to try to get someone to like them.  Its low value needy behavior that makes a person look very bad.

A woman will like you because of who you are, not because of what you give to her in the way of any kinds of objects of monetary value, or helpfulness.  When you are helping a girl with her problems you are acting like her therapist, when you are buying her things you are acting like a sugar daddy…it would then feel gross for her to have sex with someone who does either of these things.

And while there are some women out there who do respond well to men who do such things for them, these are not high value women, and are not the types you should be associating with, but rather should be staying away from.  They are needy users.  You do not want a gold digger attaching herself to you, or worse, a woman who isn’t psychologically fit for the world and can’t take care of her own problems and needs a man to take care of her…these types of women are gross.  And while you will see certain men who do very well with women by buying them things– such as in strip clubs–if you find out more about the situation you will learn that they do not have a real relationship of any kind.  The men are being used by the women, and often aren’t even getting sex from them like it may seem.  And if they are it is usually infrequent.  For once he has done for her whatever she needed at that time, he loses value and she goes back to her life.  Being used is not the type of relationship you want to have.  You want women who actually want to have sex with you.  And you can get them if you stop doing this.

But somehow certain men think that buying women things is the way to get love and sex.  And then they get all upset when they do all these things for women and then declare their sexual interest and the women reject them.   Like a woman owes you sex now because you did XYZ for her and it is unreasonable for her to submit to your treating her like a prostitute?  False.

So break free from that paradigm.  Do not ever offer to buy a woman a drink as your way of starting a conversation.  Do not buy a woman flowers or jewelry or dinner dates as a way to try to get her to love you or have sex with you.  Do not try to solve her problems or help her with her life as a way to get her into a relationship with you.  If you two have already hit it off it is ok to start buying rounds for the both of you.  If you are already dating it is ok to give her gifts when she does something that you feel she should be rewarded for.  If you are in a relationship it is ok to care for one another and help each other out.  But these are not ways of manipulating a woman into doing what you want.  She should be doing what you want with you because she wants to do it, because you have shown her how enjoyable doing this activity with you will be, be it sharing another conversation, a date, or a sexual encounter.

The value you offer a woman should be by being an interesting valuable man with a personality and behaviors that she can enjoy and take pleasure in experiencing.  Lead with that, not the things you can do for her to make her life better.  She should already have her shit together anyways in order to be attractive to you.  If you are looking for women that need you and what you could do for them, you do not find yourself valuable enough yet and need to work on your sense of inner worth so that you can actually get higher value women.

So just realize that you do not have to spend anything or do anything to earn women.  They will want you for who you are, not the money or effort you spend on them.

And this brings us to the next mistake most men make to ruin their chances with women:

4.) Being too friendly and not flirty enough

Have you ever thought to yourself “What is something nice I can say or do for her so she’ll like me?”…

Just like buying the women things and doing things for her, many men have a “nice guy syndrome”, which is a disorder in which they suddenly act super nice around attractive women, even if they aren’t naturally a nice guy, thinking that if they just be nice to her she will reward them with sex.  Many of these men get very frustrated when they are then put in the “friend zone” as they call it, because of the fact that they were being friendly, rather than flirty, and thus they are now the woman’s friend, not her lover or sexual partner.  And some of these men even feel as though they are owed affections by women for being nice to them, which is similar to the prostitution based manner of treating them as I illustrated above.  Men need to realize that being nice does not make a woman feel affectionate towards you, nor does it make her owe you anything in the way of affections.  All it does is make you a good friend….or in the case that you are not naturally nice and were just putting on a nice guy act for the girl, a fake friend.

Self proclaimed nice guys also often complain that while they were being nice to the girl she put them in the “friend zone” while going off and dating/sleeping with some “asshole”.  But in reality it is the nice guy who is the asshole, thinking that he can manipulate the girl into having sex with him by being nice to her, or that she owes him any kind of affection or attention for being nice to her…especially if it all was an act.  At least the guy they call the “asshole” was being genuine and showing his true personality, thoughts, feelings, and intentions, which are sexual, dominant, and even aggressive…and there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact it is good.

Yet self proclaimed nice guys are in the mistaken mentality that there is some sort of glory in being the nice guy.  Why?  Because it’s nice to be nice, right?  Well…yes…if you are doing it because you genuinely are nice and take great pleasure in being nice to others just for the sake of it.  But if you are looking for a girlfriend you should not just be friendly to a girl you want as a substitute for flirtation, sexuality, romance, and other courtship behaviors.  And you should not be mad at anyone but yourself if this is what you have done and you have gotten yourself rejected and hurt over it.  It is not her fault or the other guys fault that she ran off with…they had real chemistry that was created through genuine masculine/feminine sexual communication that you were lacking with her.

So while you can be nice, you need to realize that it’s not women’s prerequisite to sex.  It doesn’t turn them on, and certainly doesn’t turn them into your girlfriend.  What they want is someone who speaks their mind.  Who is not afraid to disagree with them or say something they may not like.  Someone who doesn’t supplicate to them, but will show their own independent strength of character by being their own person rather than just doing whatever they think she wants them to do for her.  I mean think about it, is it really attractive to have someone supplicating to you and being as nice as they possibly can just to get you to like them?  No, just like in the scenario I illustrated above, that kind of behavior is needy, low value, and repulsive.  It’s no wonder why women reject so many “nice guys”.

And the guys that the “nice guys” call “assholes” are actually just genuine guys who say what they are thinking to the woman, especially if it is teasing, challenging or sexual…which happen to be some of the qualities that women do find highly attractive, and arousing.  The guys that get the women are not overly aggressive; they are not volatile or offensive.  They are a balance of characteristics that make them so ideal.  They can be nice, but they can also be a variety of other oftentimes opposite traits, which women find much more attractive.  When they are disagreeing with the woman they are teasing her playfully which makes it fun and flirty.  They can be very playful, which women love.  While also keeping her in check, and asserting their equal value to one another, rather than putting her on a pedestal and themselves at far lower value.  This is what the nice guy behavior does that prevents him from getting into sexual relationships with women.

The main thing that prevents nice guys from getting lovers is the fact that they do not go sexual.  Confident alpha males that women find so attractive are not afraid of or insecure in their own sexuality.  They are not afraid to be dominant and make a move on the woman they want that brings interaction sexual.  They are honest about and confident in their sexual intentions, and proactive in making their desires a reality, which is an admirable quality which turns women on.

Most nice guys have been socially conditioned to think that “sex is immoral” by their mothers, and that they just need to be nice to girls.  They are living a lie because they were made to feel bad about their own sexual desires, and that is why they do not get the girls they want.  Women know that there is nothing wrong with sex.  Sex is natural and feels good and women want someone they can enjoy that with.  So if you want to have sexual relations with women you have to be able to go for it.  This means that if you want a woman as a sexual partner you need to stop treating her like a friend.  Stop being friendly and start being flirty.

Being friendly is what friends do, that’s why you get put in the “friend zone”.  Being flirty is what prospective sex partners do.  If you are attracted to a girl, show it by flirting with her.  Suddenly the entire dynamic will change.  She will no longer be treating you like a friend; she will be treating you like a sexual prospect.  And if she is available for dating, you will be on your way to doing so with her as long as you can continue to flirt with her more and more, and in progressively sexual ways.  Some women may politely turn you down for various reasons (being taken already, being lesbians, or you not being their type), and that is the time in which to become friends with the woman.  Because having female friends can be good, they can introduce you to more female sexual suitors.  Just do not fall back into the crutch of being friendly, which is really caused by your sexual insecurities.

Know that you do not have to play nice to get a woman to like you, just be genuine and she will like you for who you really are!

And this, like the last mistakes, leads us to the next one:

5.) Telling them what they think they want to hear

Have you ever thought to yourself “What is it she wants to hear me say right now that will make her like me?”…

I mentioned when talking about the “nice guy syndrome” that many nice guys will not speak their mind and disagree with a woman.  And while I partially illustrated it already, I will take a moment to expound upon what I already said here.

Part of the issue is that many men are too agreeable with women for fear that she will dislike them for thinking differently than her.  The rest of it is that they will not only agree with what she is already saying, but will tell a woman whatever they think she wants to hear, even when they are not being asked a direct question like “does this dress make me look fat”.  They simply feed her lines of whatever bullshit they think will please her…but little do they know it has the opposite effect.

Telling a woman what she wants to hear, like agreeing with her, is supplicating behavior that asserts a low value and women find repulsive, as I said already.  But why is it so repulsive exactly to be agreeable or supplicating with someone?

Well think about it, it shows that you are afraid of challenging her opinion and having your own differing one…it shows great insecurity and lack of independence.  Women do not want an insecure man who is lacking in independence.  They want someone who is their own person who has their own thoughts and feels free to speak their mind.  That is a very admirable quality.  Telling people what they want to hear and supplicating to them are low value social behavior that show great weakness.

But also, being too agreeable or giving a woman contrived compliments and saying other such things to please her shows manipulation and untrustworthiness.  Keep in mind that women are very socially intuitive; they can tell when a man is agreeing with them or telling them what he thinks they want to hear.  And what this is really called is LYING.  And when they do get the sense that the man is saying something to them that is different than what he is thinking (which is shown by his body language and behavioral cues, which women are very good at reading), she loses trust in him and thinks this is a man who is trying to manipulate her.

When a woman detects that you are lying to her and telling her what you think she wants to hear, she then feels like you are just a low value creep who thinks he has to trick and manipulate women into having sex with him by lying to them (which you were).

Keep in mind: women have sex with a man because of his personality, not because of the compliments he pays her or the ways in which he is nice to her.  Niceness is different from charm when the niceness is not genuine.  You can be telling someone something they may not agree with or like hearing if you are articulate about it and deliver it right.  Just like when I talked about playful teasing above.  And I know very charming attractive women who offer me constructive criticism on my outfits sometimes, and it only makes them more attractive to me.  While girls who give me generic empty compliments or supplicate to me only lower their value in doing so.

Women want a man strong enough to say things she may not like.  That is an admirable quality.  Why?  Because it shows two extremely important qualities:  Strength, and Trustworthiness.  Women want a man they can trust.  When you speak your mind and say things she may not agree with or even like hearing, she at least knows she can trust you to always reveal your true thoughts.  And that trust is one of women’s prerequisites to sex.  Also women want a man who is strong and confident.  And the best way to seem so is by speaking your mind freely.

So ironically, what you think women want to hear is actually not what they want to hear, and what they want to hear, is actually what you think they do not.  In fact, by saying the things that you think women may not want to hear, which they may not like or agree with, you are saying things that they want to hear.  It’s a paradox, but it shows you to be the strong independent free thinking man she can trust in, and that is attractive.  Then all you have to do is be able to speak your mind about your sexual intentions towards her and you have an interaction that will lead towards sex.

But of course you don’t want to go overboard with what you are saying.  You can certainly go too far when teasing a woman or disagreeing with her or challenging her.  And you can go too far with speaking your mind about any variety of topics, especially sexuality.

Just remember that you never have to worry about whether or not she agrees with you, as long as you are being true to yourself and sharing your thoughts and feelings in an articulate and socially appropriate manner, she will appreciate you for it.

Which brings me to my next point:

6.) Trying too hard and doing too much

Have you ever thought to yourself “Maybe I just have to put in more effort,” or worse, “Maybe I should be pursuing her harder…”

Most men, no matter what they are doing that they think is what they are supposed to do to get the girl, are doing too much.  Trying too hard is the common theme here.  So let’s go over what we have covered so far and how it applies to this principle:  You can follow some social protocols and be somewhat of a gentleman, but if you go too far and seem like someone out of the 50’s, it’s not attractive. You can be nice, but when you are putting on the full nice guy act, it’s not attractive.  You can tease a girl and be a playful asshole, but if you are ridiculing her and being a downright asshole, it’s not attractive.   You can give a girl a compliment, you can agree with her if it is genuine, but if you are doing it 100% of the time it’s not attractive.  You can disagree with her and challenge her at times, but if you do that 100% of the time it’s not attractive.  You can be social and friendly but if niceness is your only behavior and friendliness is your only mode of interaction, it’s not sexually attractive, you are just a friend.  You can be sexual, but if you are so sexual that you are perverted or a sexual predator…that’s no good.

So what you must do is balance your efforts.  Keep yourself in check no matter what it is you are doing.  And never ever let yourself try too hard in any way.  Be it with women in general, with any one woman, or with any one thing you are doing to flirt with a girl.

The thing you have to understand here is that the more effort you put into an interaction, the lower your value in it.  If you were to observe an interaction between any two people, and one person seems to be putting in all the effort and the other person is putting in none, which person looks like they have more social status and power?   The one who is not putting in any effort…they will look very much like a boss and supplicating employee.  The other person will probably look like their subordinate, or even a sales person pitching them and trying to get them to buy something.

So do not be the supplicant or sales person trying to sell yourself to the girl.  Whenever you are putting in more effort than her that is the dynamic you will have, you will be the seller and she will be the buyer.  Now granted, oftentimes you will have to put in more effort than her in order to prompt her to join you in investing.  For instance when you first meet a woman, she will often only be contributing 10% to the interaction and make you do 90%.  But if you are investing in the right ways and making it interesting for her, you can prompt her to respond to you and bring it to about 50/50.  And while it won’t always be 50/50 from then on out, it should generally be balanced.  Sometimes you will get her talking and she will be making much more investment than you, sometimes she will become more passive and you will have to invest more again.  But if it is not generally evening out and you are investing over all more effort into your relationship with her, that is when you lose your status in the interaction.

You see there is a delicate power dynamic at play here.  The person who has the upper hand is the person who has less invested in the interaction or relationship.  If you are the one investing more energy in trying to make things work with this girl, and she is passively receiving your investments, she holds all the power…and you are the one who has everything at stake.

As I said, when you are putting in too much effort and trying so hard, it simply makes you lose value in her eyes.  Valuable people do not put in a lot of effort or try very hard to impress others.  They do not need to–their value is inherent, so it does not need to be proven.  And when you assume that same attitude about yourself you will suddenly become attractive to the opposite sex, as people will assume that you are valuable simply because you are acting like you do not have to prove your value or try to impress anyone.

So the harder you try, the less attractive you look, and less power and value you have…while the less hard you try, the more attractive and valuable you seem, and the more power you have in the dynamic.  Therein you must always be minimizing the effort you invest into an interaction whenever possible.  Even at times that require you to do a lot, make sure you are not investing any more effort than you need to.  And be looking for the times that require absolutely no effort from you, and when they come up just sit back and allow the woman to become the one investing in you and simply be the receiver of her efforts during those times.  She will appreciate you more when you allow her to make valued contributions to your interactions and relationship, and will value you and your dynamic more, as well as giving you more power in it as your reward for letting go of the need to always be the doer and assuming a more passive/receptive role.  A nice little power play isn’t it?

But you see most men think they need to do more out of a compulsive feeling that they have to put in a lot of effort to get a woman because they are not inherently enough to attract her, so they need to exert as much control over the situation as possible and do as much as they can to persuade her.  It is out of insecurity that they try so hard (hence the phrase being “try hard” being used to connote someone who is needy), so if you just trust in your own value and calm down and allow yourself to do less, you will actually gain the upper hand in the dynamic and get better results with the woman.

Just trust that you do not have to keep doing more to get what you want.  You can actually just relax and do less, and the woman will suddenly respect you more for it and want to fill in the gap you leave with their own efforts and investments.  And that is how you empower yourself in the dynamic.  Which brings me to my next point…

7.) Not being a confident enough or self actualized as a man

Have you ever thought to yourself “I need to prove myself”…

As I have mentioned before, one of the reasons men make these mistakes is because they lack feelings of inherent value and internal self worth.  They are just not confident enough with women to lead with their own personality and feelings that they are worthy enough to be a sexual partner to the women they want.  This leads them to use a bunch of try hard gimmicks which are overcompensating for their lack of internal self worth, which instead of masking it, shows it.

This point is so important I was going to list it as #1 or #2 next to the limiting mindsets about women principle, however I figured the progression would work better if I listed it here.  But just know that this is one of the most important things on this list.  What women want more than anything is a confident man who is internally validated.  Because that is what “value” is and where it comes from – it is something that you do within yourself.  Having value to others comes from valuing yourself.  If you do not value yourself, others will not value you.  But if you do, they will.  It is almost like magick.  All you have to do to produce the feeling in others that you are valuable is to think that you are yourself…and they will!  It’s like the law of attraction says, as within so without.  And that is what confidence is all about – Feeling that you are valuable.

But where does this feeling of confidence come from?  How do we “get” it?  Obviously it is intangible and thus not having it makes it seem very hard to get it…so how does one?

Well, confidence comes from being “self actualized” as a man.  That is, being your idealized self – being the person you have always wanted to be.  A man who is being their best self is a very confident man.  They value themselves because they are being the person they always wanted to be, and that makes them feel very good about themselves.  It doesn’t matter what type of person they are, there is no one thing you can be that will give you confidence.  You just have to be the person you always wanted to be and be happy with who you are and enjoy being yourself.  Then you will have an inner sense of self worth and be confident in who you are as a person.  And that is what women find most attractive more than anything, and will often lead you to doing all of these other things right.

But the problem is that most men are not self actualized because most men do not even know who they are, they have no sense of personal identity at all…which is why they cannot be confident in who they are, since they don’t know who that is.  So first and foremost you must figure out who you are as a person and have a definitive self concept that you can become self actualized in.  Then decide what your ideal self is, who you want to be most ultimately, and start working towards that.  As you do so you will find your confidence increasing.  And this is a very important thing to do in life, which is why women find it very attractive.

You see women are attracted to confidence because it shows that you are a successful and ultimate character.  The very act of being confident tells others that you are an internally validated person, someone who takes pride in who they are as a person, which means that they must be living well and self actualized…that they are successful in whatever way they want to be.  This is something that anyone would admire, however women find this specifically attractive for two special reasons:

First, since confidence must mean that the person is successful in whatever way they want to be it means that they could take care of a family.  Women are the child bearers in sexual relationships, so there is a subconscious and instinctive drive for them to find a mate that could care for a family if she should get pregnant. It’s not superficial. It’s just part of their evolutionary psychology and the way they are wired to ensure the survival of the species.  If women weren’t attracted to confident successful men mankind would have died off tens of thousands of years ago.  It is the mating of successful people that has caused us to evolve, and that is a good thing.

Second, someone who is confident, successful and self actualized is someone who has a great mindset.  Someone who is an ultimate character, but also is positive and happy with themselves and their life.  This means that they are going to be enjoyable to be around.  It means that they are going to have an ideal personality that the woman will take pleasure in experiencing.  It means that they draw their own positive state from within and can easily transfer it to others and create a similarly positive vibe in an interaction.  It means that they can actually provide a healthy loving relationship to the woman.  For since they have made themselves happy, they can make the woman happy.  Someone who is confident and self actualized is just a pleasant and ideal personality to be able to interact with, and would create a very pleasant and ideal relationship dynamic and lifestyle with a mate.  And that is what women want most ultimately that confidence shows them.

But besides that confidence also shows strength and social dominance, which women find extremely sexy.  Not just because it shows that you can protect and take care of them, but because it shows that you are not afraid to go for what you want, and that you can make things happen sexually, which is also what women want, since they do not want to have to be the one making sex happen.  They really just want a man who is confident enough to initiate sex with them and give them the sexual fulfillment they are too shy to ask for themselves.  So that is why they find confidence so attractive and valuable.

And when you are interacting with a woman if you are not confident, but are nervous or anxious or unsure of yourself, those feelings are going to transfer onto her.  The state you are in gets expressed and transferred into the dynamic between you and the girl.  She will feel it and then enter into that state as well.  This is called the law of state transfer.  Understand that if you are talking to someone new, she is already uncertain of you, she doesn’t know you, so it is important that you be sure of yourself, so that she can become sure of you.  In fact when you are approaching a woman, you must have enough confidence for both of you.  Since she is already unsure of you when first meeting you, you must have as much confidence as you need for yourself, and even more to transfer over onto her.  And as every man knows, approaching an attractive woman, especially if it is someone you have already had your eye on for sometime, is extremely nerve racking.  The idea of getting rejected by her, especially in front of others, can be very anxiety provoking.  But if you let that anxiety get to you you will not be able to get a positive response from her.  So you must be very confident in order to get the women you want.

But ironically you do not even have to be successful or totally self actualized yet in order to be confident.  You simply have to be doing your best to be the person you want to be at the point in your life that you are at, and just try to have a good personality and be a good person.  In doing so, know that you are enough for women and allow yourself to feel internally validated by those facts.  If you can just bring yourself to feel confident in your inner worth, and act confident in social situations with women, you will then project the qualities of an ultimate man, and women will be attracted to you.  After all, I’m sure you have seen countless cases of men who had nothing really going for them get super hot girls just because they were confident.  Just think about all the times you can remember that losers got the best women out there just by their balls to take initiative and go after them.  And you can too, you just have to know that you are enough and work up the courage to make that move, and its all downhill from there.

So just trust that you do not have to prove yourself by doing anything unnatural.  You are worthy of getting all of the attractive high value women you want.  And just by knowing that and being yourself, you will.

But you must be confident enough not only to approach the women you want, but to take responsibility for making sex happen and make a move on them at some point in the interaction.  And this takes some serious balls.  Which brings me to the next mistake that most men make with women…

8.) Not being comfortable enough with their sexuality and being unable to go sexual with the woman

Have you ever thought to yourself “girls just aren’t that interested in sex”… or even worse, “It’s inappropriate to get sexual with a girl”…

I mentioned already about how some men have been taught that sex is wrong, and are uncomfortable going sexual with a woman, or even flirting with her (thus showing his sexual intentions).  But why is this?

A lot of social conditioning comes from archaic religious and political traditions which teach us that sex is “bad” in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons which can be summed up in one phrase:  Population control.  The authorities wanted to control their population in their society so they would try to control people’s procreation and keep it structured to institutionalized marriage.

Fast forward to today and you have parents teaching children that sexuality should only be experienced in a monogamous relationship or marriage and that girls shouldn’t let boys have sex with them and boys should do a whole bunch of things with girls before going sexual.  As well as school health classes that teach that sex is risky and dangerous to your health, and religious authorities still maintaining that sexuality is immoral and sinful.  No wonder people can be so sexually stifled and insecure.

However, all of that sex negative propaganda is in fact FALSE.  And while some of us have been socially conditioned to think and believe these things about sexuality so that we think we shouldn’t be going sexual in an interaction, and are uncomfortable and insecure with the idea of showing our sexuality to a woman we actually do want to have sex with…when you go deeper into the human psyche…we are still sexual beings.  We still feel sexual, we still desire sex with attractive mates…we still have penises that become erect and vaginas that become wet at the thought of sexual fantasies with ideal mates…because sex is actually just a natural human bodily function and evolutionary psychological instinct…like eating.  It is completely natural, and it feels good for a reason, because it is good.  Without sex the species doesn’t survive or evolve.  Sex is not a sin; it is human sustenance and evolution.

So you need to realize just how natural and good your sexuality is, and become comfortable with it, if you do in fact want to be able to have sex with attractive mates.  If you are insecure or uncomfortable in your sexuality, just keep on telling yourself that sex is natural and sex is good.  Remember that we desire it so strongly and it feels so good for a reason – To perpetuate the species.  In fact it is the purpose of our life here to have sex and procreate so the human race can sustain itself.  And is that not reason enough to think about your sexuality in a positive way and be proactive about it?  It certainly should be.  You should love the idea of your sexuality, and love having sex and making it happen.  Because in doing so you are fulfilling your purpose here and helping the species to survive, and not only that but to evolve!  (And even if you are not procreating and are using a condom, which indeed you should until you are with someone you know you want to actually start a family with, the principle of the thing is still there – having sex is still the purpose of human life).

So give yourself permission to be sexually comfortable and free of any insecurities or blockage.  Give yourself permission to be sexually proactive with confidence.  Give yourself permission to express your sexual intentions with women.  Because that is what you are supposed to do as a man, and it will feel good because you will actually be experiencing the meaning of life and fulfilling your purpose here.  What will not happen is you will not be violating some taboo and will not get horrifically rejected by the women you do so with.  In fact women will appreciate it and respond positively, even if they are not interested.  Because women love a genuine and confident man and they love sexuality and appreciate other sexually open people who can reinforce the idea that sex is good.

So just know that being sexual is actually the right thing to do, it will feel good and women will love you for it.  So go out there and do it!

But of course you need to be expressing yourself sexually in the proper ways, which brings me to my next mistake that many men make…

9.) Going Sexual In The Wrong Ways

Have you ever thought to yourself “It’s been a while, I’m just going to declare my intentions to her”, or “we’ve been talking for forever, I’m gonna make a move now”…

Many men who go sexual with women do so in the wrong ways, which is why they get rejected.  It is not because they were being sexual.  It’s because they were being too sexually aggressive, or miscalibrated or too late in their delivery of their sexual intent.  That is when it seems weird or creepy because it was not suited to the social situation and the way you were behaving prior…and if you are too foreword or creepy about it it becomes offensive and border on sexual harassment, especially if you are not reading her cues that would tell you when you are being too forward.

Ever heard a woman complain that a man was hitting on her and talk about it like it was a bad thing?  That simply meant that the way in which he was doing it was not pleasant to her.  Or that she had rejected his advances and he continued with them and perhaps went too far, when she was not even comfortable with his original advance.  Even men who are persistent with girls who were originally not interested in them can eventually get the girl…but if you are making a sexual advance and she says she doesn’t want you to be doing what you are doing, you have to stop and back up a step and go back to social or flirtatious mode, then advance more slowly from there and not try for something more sexual again until later, that is if she allows you to progress that way over time.  No does in fact mean no.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to cease all efforts, but it certainly means you need to stop whatever you were doing at that moment.

The men who give “hitting on a woman” a bad name are the men who go too far too quick and don’t take no for an answer, or who are just expressing their sexuality in a completely socially unintelligent and inappropriate manner.  For instance if a man comes right up to a woman and says “your hot I want to fuck you”, that would be an example of both of those things.  Or if a man is talking to a girl in social mode and then suddenly grabs her butt or breast and says “niiiice”, that is another good example of something that would be creepy.

However, both of those things would be perfectly to say to a girl in another situation, say once you are already sexual partners and comfortable with one another sexually, and she comes out of the bathroom all made up for you.  So you see how the right time and place (in your relationship progression) is an important factor of what makes what kind of sexual expressions appropriate.  When two people are already sexual partners, grabbing a womans ass and saying “I’d love to give you a good pounding later” is something she will find sexy.  But that is because it is being said at the right point in your sexual progression where it would be well calibrated to say that.  But saying that to a woman who you don’t already have a comfortable sexual dynamic with would be considered sexual assault, and could land you in jail.

Going sexual should be a steady progression starting with flirtation and slowly escalating towards sex.  Not just talking to someone socially and then making a leap for it.  You can’t be in friendly mode and then suddenly declare your sexual interest in a woman or start touching her sexually, that is what they call “creepy”.  Why?  Because it is miscalibrated to the mode you were in.  The word “Creep” simply means someone who was acting in a socially and/or sexually miscalibrated fashion.  Now you can be in social mode and get to sex by becoming flirtatious, and then progressing physically through friendly touch to flirty touch to sensual touch, and then becoming verbally and physically sexual with her and escalating through foreplay to sex…and because you are progressively recalibrating the interaction through different phases in a slow steady gradual progression towards sex it is not creepy at all, but very smooth and socially savvy.  And feels perfectly natural and comfortable to the woman, which is the way she wants to feel when becoming sexual with a man.

So start with flirtation.  And be able to flirt in the right way.  This means teasing the girl and being playful while doing some light touching and looking at her in a way that shows you are attracted to her, and then if she responds well you can start to drop some sexual innuendo here and there and touch her more over time, and if she is responding well to that you can escalate the physical touch to more sensual touch and sexualize things more over the course of the interaction and see where it goes.

Now when expressing your sexuality verbally, don’t simply say “I want to fuck”, say things like “I’m just a very sexual person”.  Or “I just really enjoy giving and receiving orgasms”.  Women appreciate that.  They don’t appreciate being objectified as a sex object, but they do appreciate being sexual with other sexual people and having sexual relationships.  And they also appreciate pleasure givers, rather than people who seek to take sex from them.

Know that you do not have to wait to state your intentions to a woman in one huge declaration once you are sure you like her, nor should you lead with an expression of your full sexual attraction to her.  But know that if you just take it easy getting to know her and naturally pepper in expressions of your sexuality over time she will respond well to them.

And while you are sexually escalating you need to be able to watch her cues to see  not only how you should pace it and how fast you should escalate, but what she likes and doesn’t like.  Most men do not know how to please a woman sexually which is what prevents them from making sex happen.  Because when you are escalating on a woman, or going into foreplay, if you are not pleasuring her properly she is going to stop you.  So make sure you are really exploring your sexual dynamic and trying to figure out what she likes and doesn’t like, so you can steer away from the things she doesn’t like, and do more of what she does like.  And then you will be able to escalate things towards sex.

So you can be confident in yourself that if you use these tips and go sexual in the right ways, you will find yourself having a much more abundant, prosperous, and fulfilling sex life.  But I must warn you of one last thing that many men do to destroy their chemistry and chances with the women they want.  Something that they will often continue to do even as they try to correct these problems:

10.) Using miscalibrated gimmicks and protocols that do not work

Have you ever thought to yourself “I need a good line to say for this situation” or “What is the rule for what I’m supposed to do when this happens?”…

You see most of these mistakes men make with women are based on some arbitrary gimmick or social protocol that they thought would work and didn’t.   Placing “rules” around sexuality and saying that you are being a gentleman.  The gimmick of trying to read a woman’s mind and telling her what you think she wants to hear…these are horrible and you now know that because of the fact that they are gimmicky, or are rules that are misconceived.

But do you know what most men do when trying to correct these patterns?  They just replace the old gimmicks and rules with new ones!

Gimmicky pickup lines like saying “hey do you know how much a panda bear weighs?  Enough to break the ice!”  Dating protocols and rules like “the three day rule”, which dictates that after getting a girls number you should wait 3 days to text or call her.

These things do not work.  Gimmicky pickup lines are contrived and forced and women find them a turn off for the same reasons all of the aforementioned mistakes are a turn off.  You should not be using a pickup line that is your contrived all purpose way of forcing yourself into any interaction with a woman, you need to be able to calibrate to each social situation and open conversations with women in ways that fit each scene and do not seem like you are trying too hard or using some unoriginal line that is as cheesy as it is worn out.  That is not socially savvy.  Sometimes you just have to go up to a woman and say “Hi” and introduce yourself and ask her name.  Sometimes you would want to ask her opinion about something that was on your mind.  Sometimes you will want to start with a compliment, sometimes you will want to approach with an excuse to talk to her.  And while there are some good ways of generally doing these things, oftentimes it is totally situational.

And the arbitrary rules like the three day rule do not work because they are not natural and calibrated to each situation.  If you wait 3 days to text a woman for instance, many women will have forgotten about you by then…or some women will think you do not like them as much as you seemed to and will turn off their feelings for you that you had generated.  The fact is that sometimes you should text a woman immediately after getting her number and keep the interaction flowing because you hit it off so well and don’t want to lose the connection…while sometimes you should wait until later that day or the next day simply because you are both busy that day, or because she wasn’t giving you any huge signs of interest so you do not want to seem too eager or needy.  But you generally should not be waiting 3 days.  And the point is that it varies on a case by case basis.  You need to be situationally calibrated.  This means relying upon your own social intelligence rather than miscalibrated gimmicks and rules that someone arbitrarily told you should work in every situation simply because they had some success with it at some point in their life in certain situations.

And that is how a lot of bad advice gets turned into general rules and gimmicks used by so called “pick up artists” who claim that if you just do exactly what they have done you will be able to get unreasonably great results.  Guess what, they may have done these things on a number of women and had success, but it was only because it was a certain type of woman of a certain demographic in a certain type of social situation in a certain type of social environment.  To think that the same tactics would work on anyone anytime anywhere is just lacking in social intelligence.  There are just different types of women in a large progressive city like Los Angeles or San Francisco than there are in small country towns.  And different types of women in the suburbs vs. the ghetto.  And different women in America than there are in Europe, or the Middle East, or Asia.   And women all have different personality types.  Women of various cultures respond differently.  Women of various age groups respond differently.  Women of various social groups respond differently.  And even within each of these categories every woman has a different personality type that means she will behave and respond in different ways.  And there are various locations in which people will respond differently.  Women at a café or restaurant respond differently than women at a bar or club.  Women at a mall or grocery store respond differently than women at a concert or festival.  Women on the street respond differently than women who are at work.  So you see, these are all demographics that women can fall into that will cause them to vary greatly from others in other demographics…and within each demographic is more demographics…the variations in women’s characters and social psychology is great.  So you cannot be relying on a new set of arbitrary gimmicks and rules to replace the old ones, because you’d still be doing yourself a disservice and preventing yourself from getting the women you want.

Now that is not to say that there aren’t general principles about the way social interactions work that you can rely upon – Sure there are, that is what this report is about.  For instance if you generally are confident and have a good attitude, women will generally respond well to you and find you attractive.  But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be women who just aren’t into you for some reason, or may be having a bad day and be bitchy when you approach them.  There will always be situational variances.  There are no absolutes in social science.  What you need to learn to rely upon most of all is your social intelligence and intuition.  That is what is going to give you insight into every situation, and every woman’s mind, and allow you to know what the right thing is to do at that specific point in the interaction.  And the only way you are going to do that is by getting out there and practicing.

And you don’t always have to know the perfect thing to say or do in any situation either.  If you always have the perfect line or technique for every point in an interaction a woman starts to get suspicious that you are not being genuine and are using a whole bunch of rehearsed canned material, which they do not like.  They want to connect to the real you, human to human.  So just be yourself and allow yourself some room for error and some genuine humanness.  Sometimes the best thing to say to a woman is “I don’t know what to even say to that” rather than trying to come up with the perfect line.

Just as long as you aren’t making any of the horrible mistakes outlined in this report, you will do fine to just be yourself and do whatever feels right in each situation, and learn as you go through trial and error. So use these principles I have taught you today to recalibrate and start with a new slate in which you won’t do any of the things wrong that most men do anymore.  And start interacting with women doing these things right and you will be on the right track and can continue to recalibrate and improve upon your social personality and behaviors from there, learning more and more what women respond to and how to get into the interactions and relationships with the ones you want.  And when you do that, you will develop a very sexually fulfilling and prosperous lifestyle.  You may even find women coming after you!

Just trust in yourself knowing that you do have the capabilities of getting the women you want if you just go through these motions and do not fall back into old patterns.  And be sure to check out my Easy Automated Girl Getting System which is a Social Science system that will get you the girls you want easily and automatically when you start using it, which you can learn about by clicking this link here now!

So now that you have all of that, if you need any help with anything or have any questions please feel free to contact me through my email here at info@truelifedevelopment.com or find me on facebook, and otherwise enjoy getting the love life of your dreams!

This article has been an excerpt from the True Life Relationships – Complete Social & Sexual Mastery System book, get your copy on amazon here!