Dates & Drinks – The Toxic Relationship Between Alcohol & Dating Explored Here (MUST SEE!)
In the long tradition of courtship, there has been a tradition of drinking alcohol on dates. Having drinks has always been an integral part of dating for some reason. Most people when going out on dates, are for some reason going out just for drinks, or to a place where they will have drinks perhaps while doing something else, of not just sitting there drinking and talking. But not just any kind of drink, one that is intoxicating. It seems so natural and normal when you are doing it, yet when stated so plainly in this way it also seems very strange that people would consider sitting at a table having intoxicating beverages with each other and somehow view that as a romantic “date” and an important aspect of courtship. And no one seems to know exactly why they are doing this either, and are simply doing so because it is a common tradition. Do you know why people do this? What makes it a tradition?
Since I am sure you weren’t able to come up with much of an answer, perhaps other than “drinking is a fun social activity”, I will start this article by analyzing why people traditionally drink on dates. Yes, alcohol is a fun social activity to do with other people. But that is not a good answer to the question “why do people traditionally involve alcohol in dating”. So in order to get to the real answer, we must ask the next question, why is alcohol a fun social activity to do with other people? Well that is because alcohol is a social “lubricant” and makes people more comfortable socializing and more talkative. But that still is not a conclusive answer, so we must get to the next why. Why does it do that? Because it causes people to release their inhibitions. Ok, how does it do that? And here is where we reach our more conclusive answer: It inhibits the mental faculties for nervousness.
In inhibiting our mental faculties for nervousness alcohol has become a “Social Facilitator”. A crutch for people to use to be more socially comfortable and confident, and thus more socially outgoing. But this crutch only enables people to not train themselves to be socially skilled, and to just rely upon alcohol to be social. And it is not a supportive crutch either because at the same time it inhibits mental faculties that cause people to socialize well and be socially intelligent and savvy. The only thing it really does is make you FEEL better socially (about your being social), while at the same time making you actually function worse at being social. In fact, while being more socially comfortable and confident, it actually makes it common for people to say the wrong things and cause bad social reactions for themselves and even do damage to their social lives and relationships (or in the case of dating, their potential developing relationships).
Alcohol also inhibits memory, so having any kind of a purposeful interaction while drinking is self defeating since any amount of it will be lost to the oblivion it creates and be forever forgotten. And for dating purposes, your first interactions and dates with someone are historic moments that you should remember. These moments are what causes a relationship to develop, and if one or both of you cannot remember significant parts in the interactions that you had, the connection and feelings yo had in those moments will be lost, and your ability to develop the relationship will be hindered.
And alcohol inhibits so many mental faculties that it causes a greatly altered state of mind, which means that your personality will be manifesting differently than normal. And so you are not truly being yourself when on alcohol, so you cannot create genuine connections while on it, though it does create the illusion of connectivity, but the connections you seem to be making are not actually real as they do not carry over into the next day once the alcohol has worn off.
Then another thing that alcohol inhibits is your ability to think clearly and make decisions. So often people who are drinking will decide to do things that they wouldn’t normally do. Such as going home with someone and having sex with them, and even foregoing the use of protection when doing so. Often people who are not prepared to have sex (by having condoms ready, and communicating about it first) will get “caught up in the heat of the moment”, and have it without using protection. This is probably one of the leading causes of STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies. And even if you are not putting yourself in danger, alcohol causes us to do things that we later regret.
And finally the last thing that alcohol inhibits that I need to make note of is that it inhibits your ability to perform well, at anything, while making you more confident about your bad performance and giving the illusion that it is a good performance. This is especially true about sex. Alcohol fueled sex is not good sex. It numbs your ability to feel fully and really experience the pleasures, sensations, and the emotional and sexual connection between you are your partner and all the feelings associated with it. It also makes you perform poorly sexually and causes sexual dysfunction such as impotence, vaginal dryness, and anorgasmia. Drunken sex is simply never going to be as good as sober sex.
But also, we must address some of the other ways that people behave when their social shyness is inhibited on alcohol, getting replaced with an aggressive confidence. Alcohol can also tend to cause people to behave abusively while drunk, even if they are not the type of person to do so in their normal state. It is not uncommon for alcohol to create very unfortunate and unpleasant situations where people can feel violated. Alcohol can even lead to date rape where the rape wouldn’t have normally occurred. But even if alcohol isn’t fueling any sort of sexual abuse, since alcohol reduces consciousness, drunken sex is unconscious sex, and unconscious sex is bad sex. But also because drunken sex is unconscious sex, it is also sex that is not entirely consensual. Since someone cannot trust their mind to make the right decisions when inebriated. And new studies and laws state that because it inhibits decision making, it inhibits someones ability to consent to sex. A drunk person will say yes to things that they would normally say no to. So the lines of consent are always blurred during drunk sex and any man involved in it can be accused and convicted of rape, even if it was actually consensual. So men should not be taking any new partners to bed while they are drunk because if they wake up in the morning feelings like they wouldn’t have normally had sex and feeling taken advantage of, they can have you arrested for rape even if you didn’t force yourself on them, and you can go to jail for it, which will result in you getting raped instead. This is perhaps one of the worst fates for any man.
So all in all, drinking alcohol is an absolutely terrible activity to do with someone you are starting to date. And if you are one of those people who says “I don’t drink to get drunk” and “a couple of drinks cant hurt”, well let me clear that up right now. Alcohol is intoxicating, no matter how much you are drinking, you are drinking to get intoxicated. And studies have shown that the amount of alcohol necessary to create these effects is 3/4ths of a serving. Not even one full drink is enough to cause all of these negative side effects listed! So the best rule is to avoid it altogether and do alcohol free dates on your first handful of dates with someone. I am not saying you shouldn’t ever drink alcohol with someone you are dating. Getting intoxicated and altering your state of mind can be a very fun, interesting, and even intimate activity for two people who are romantic with each other. It simply has too many negative complications for when you are first dating.
So what I recommend doing with alcohol if you are a drinker like most people is just saving it until you already know each other pretty well and have some sort of relationship developing where you are comfortable with each other, are already having sex, and have established enough in the relationship that such altered states wouldn’t put the health of the relationship and its development into jeopardy. Just imagine how it would feel if you had a magical first date with someone, really felt a romantic connection with them, and even had sex with them that you thought was good…but then the next day you couldn’t remember all the key moments…and when you called them up they couldn’t either…and in fact it seems like they do not feel the same as they were saying they felt the previous night…and it’s almost like talking to a different person, and the magical evening you had with the person from last night now seems like it wasn’t truly real, like a dream you are just waking up from. This is a common occurrence with alcohol fueled dates, and it is a very disappointing and disheartening thing to have happen to you, that can be very depressing, especially if it is common for you, which it will be if drinking on first dates is common for you.
So do yourself a favor and make sure all the key first romantic moments in your developing relationship are sober, especially the first time you have sex. Because remember that drunk sex is unconscious sex, and unconscious sex is bad sex. Sober sex is conscious sex, and conscious sex is good sex. And once you two have been going out a little while then you can start involving alcohol without it toxic effects poisoning the relationship you are trying to develop, and it will be much safer to drink together. But in the meantime, there is no substitute for real social and sexual skills. And if you want to learn to master your dating life, alcohol is not the answer. Instead, check out my Easy Automated Mate Getting System here where you will learn the real skills you need to get the dating and love/sex life you want most ultimately.
This article has been an excerpt from the True Life Relationships – Complete Social & Sexual Mastery System book, get your copy on amazon here!