What Does It Mean To Be A Couple & What Are Relationships Really All About?
What Is Being A Couple Really About? Let’s explore the Definition of Romantic Relationships a little here.
I hear from way too many women in committed relationships, even marriages, that they are not being sexually fulfilled by their partners, and sometimes their sexual needs are totally being neglected, or they barely have sex at all. And see too many men cheating, and even have married women propositioning me for sex, some of whom have never even been given an orgasm by their husbands. And I can’t help but think why are you in a committed sexual partnership with someone who is not actually your sexual partner?
Somehow these people do not realize that having a coupleship or marriage, is a romantic/sexual relationship. It is defined by you two being committed to one another sexually. Otherwise it is just a friendship, or a business association. Sexuality is what defines a coupleship/Marriage. Without the sexual commitment there is no real relationship. And if you are not having the sex life with your partner that you want, you are not sexually committed to each other. And the relationship has been dissolved. You are not friends and/or business associates.
Marriage and the idea of courtship which is something that is supposed to lead up to marriage, was actually a spiritual/religious ideal stemming from biblical times. The idea that two people can be so meant for each other in life on a deep spiritual level, that they should be bonded sexually for all eternity. This is another thing that people have failed to realize when they are entering into long term coupleship geared towards marriage, or are getting married. And again, the thing that defines marriage and coupleship is your sexual bond. And it is written about in the bible and in Hebrew texts that the members in a coupleship have a very important duty to fulfill one another sexually. In Christianity the emphasis was placed more on the woman fulfilling the man’s needs sexually, and in Judaism the emphasis was placed more on the man fulfilling the woman’s needs, but of course these two doctrines very much coincide with each other, and both are important.
The point is that people are not having their relationships in the classical sense of what relationships really mean anymore. Oftentimes relationships these days are more like glorified friendships, or business partnerships….or oftentimes just being roommates. People are having relationships purely based on a need for companionship and social necessity. Often because they are emotionally needy and don’t want to be alone, or because the person fulfills a monetary or other practical need in their life that they should really be fulfilling on their own, or hiring someone else to fulfill.
And this is why the divorce rate is over 50%. People’s relationships have lost their substance and meaning. They have forgotten the true meaning of what a coupleship/marriage really is. It’s about romance and sexual union (which is supposed to be a very significant spiritual thing). I think it’s important for people to really look at the “why” of their relationship paradigm. Why am I in this relationship, or interested in having this relationship with this person? Or why am I interested in having a relationship at all? Is it because they fill a romantic role and dynamic in my life that no one else can, and they fulfill all my emotional/sexual desires and needs? Or is it because I really value their companionship…and just don’t want to be alone…
And people entering into a commitment really need to think about what that really means and what purpose it is going to serve them. Ask yourself, is this someone I feel so sexually passionate with that I know I will be romantically fulfilled by having sex with them and only them for the rest of my life? And that we could have sex every day and never get bored? And can I honestly see myself with this person feel as passionate as I am now in 10 years or 20 years?
If you answered no to any of these questions, your relationship paradigm is wrong, and the partners or prospective partners you have are really just friends, and you need to reconsider your emotional or functional dependence issues and then try to find someone who you can actually have a very meaningful and fulfilling romantic/sexual bond with.
And I know what some of you are probably thinking, well passion dies in relationships naturally over time, that’s just the way it is.
Nope, it’s not. I have grandparents who never stopped being passionate and romantic, and never stopped having sex. And I worked in a retirement home once where I saw couples who had never lost that passion and romance either. Again, it’s about your relationship paradigm. These people were following the classical relationship model, which was about the romance. Not about your social status or using someone else because of the value they provide in your life.
And I know what others are probably thinking – Well relationships aren’t just about sex, you should have a foundation of friendship. And marriages do have a business partner aspect to them too.
That may be true. The emotional connection of friendship is a good foundation for some relationships. But that is a much different kind of emotional connection than a romantic one. And if you do not have the romantic one, then you’re not really a couple, your just friends. And you should not even be trying to have a sexual partnership with someone who is just your friend and not your sexual partner. And marriage does have a business partner aspect, but again, if that is the main role and dynamic you are playing as partners, then you are not romantic partners, you are business partners, and need to rethink your lifestyle.
So think about your romantic relationship paradigm and make sure that you are in the right mindset for one, and when you are dating and entering into romantic relationships that you are doing so for the right reasons and purposes, and in the right manner with the right emotional/sexual dynamics and will be fulfilled for life in it. Because that is what they are supposed to be for. And if you don’t do this and enter into a maligned and transgressive sexual partnership statistics have shown that you will just end up being a 40 year old divorcee talking to your therapist about where your life went and why it is so fucked up and miserable now. And there’s nothing worse than that.
Why not just choose sexual and emotional fulfillment and do it the right way?
And if you would like some help with how to develop and manage your relationships better so you do not loose the romance please take the initiative to sign up for my True Life Relationships relationship counselling program by clicking here now so that you can keep the passion and romance and make sure your relationship will last!