The Secret Science Of Match Making To Get The Perfect Partner For You Revealed Here
On The Social Science of Match Making & Compatibility
I have seen so many people in dating whose entire selection process consists of interviewing their prospective partners on things such as their interests, hobbies,and the things they like to “do for fun” in order to delineate if they are a good match or not. The decision on whether they are compatible and should be life long partners is mostly based upon whether or not they share a large number of common interests and activities. And I have a very important message for you people out there dating and looking for relationships:
COMMON INTERESTS AND ACTIVITIES DO NOT NECESSARILY MAKE FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!
While you do of course want to share some interests and commonalities with your prospective partner…common interests does not mean compatible personality types! This is very important for you to know as you are going out there into the world of dating. What you should be looking for is a person with a compatible personality type, not just common ground and liking the same things.
For just because you like the same things as someone, or do the same types of things, doesn’t necessarily mean that you will match up well with them as two individuals, because you are still two different people with two different personalities. And those are the things that play the biggest role in the relationship. Not what you like and do, but who you are as a character. What your personality type is, how you think, feel and act, etc.
What you need to be looking for is compatibility…which is not just about commonality so much as it is about being “complimentary” to each other. Which is about more than just being alike. It’s about two different people who are compatible with one another.
For you see not only does someone liking the same music, movies, foods, etc not mean that you match up well with them, or that the person you will match up well with will like all the same stuff as you…but not only does matching up well not really mean having similar interests…but usually matching up well with someone occurs when you are not that similar to someone at all! It occurs when there is this interesting little thing called “contrast” between you two.
For you see not only are commonality and compatibility two different things, but they have a bit of an inverse relationship. Because compatibility is more about contrast than commonality, and commonality and contrast are basically opposites. Commonality of course is something being like something else. And contrast is when there is some asymmetry between two things, some space between them. And by definition two contrasting things go together BECAUSE of the fact that they have differences that actually match perfectly and in exactly the ways they need to. Imagine two puzzle pieces coming together in a perfect fit so that they fill in each other’s gaps. This is the manner in which two perfect partners will match up. And why people often match up best when there is at least as many differences as there are similarities between them. Because compatibility is like trying to fit two puzzle pieces together so you need to be able to fill in each others gaps in ways that you compliment each other, and for instance one person would have a strength where another has a weakness. It is only in being complimentary can you do important things such as introduce each other two new things and ideas, and support one another in the ways you need. This is the beauty of compatibility and why it works.
But many people when searching for an “ideal romantic partner” think that matching up well with someone not only means sharing common interests (which as I have just illustrated, does not), but think that finding that perfect match (aka “soul mate”) means someone who is a lot like them…which couldn’t be further from the truth. Some people are under the mistaken impression that an ideal mate or “soul mate” is someone who is like a spiritual twin or their exact clone in another gender. And they think that having commonalities between them and someone else are all good signs that they may be soul mates. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Think a bit more deeply about would it would be like to date someone who was extremely similar to yourself. How similar would you really want them to be? Would you want to date someone who was like a complete clone of yourself and just of gender you are attracted to? Would you want to date someone who looked just like you, behaved just like you, and thought just like you so that they basically were only sharing things you yourself were already thinking or about to think? Someone who agreed with everything you said but never shared anything new or said anything you wouldn’t have thought of yourself? Someone who was emotionally the same as you. Someone who had all of the same strengths and weaknesses as you? Someone who had all of the same faults and made all of the same mistakes. Someone who didn’t compliment you at all and fill in any of your gaps? Would you really get along with a person like that? For how long do you think it would take before they were boring or irritating? It would basically be just like talking to yourself the way you already do in your own head. It would be pointless. It defeats the purpose of having a relationship.
Relationships are partnerships meant for two people to share everything about who they are with one another, assuming that these two entities are different enough to make such sharing interesting and synergistic. In this sharing of characters two people unite in a partnership to form a couple that is a family unit where the two function in many ways together as one, or as a team. Achieving this type of cohesive partnership depends on compatibility which depends on the right contrast.
Someone who is extremely similar to you would not be bringing anything new to the table…no new thoughts, opinions or ideas to introduce to you…no new things to have you try…and most of all no strengths where you have weaknesses. Nothing to compliment your own unique personality. No contrast. Nothing to make it interesting. These are the relationships that have no passion, no substance. They lack depth and meaning. They feel shallow and like you are just going through the motions of being with someone just so you don’t have to be alone. They are unsatisfying and leave you feeling restless wanting more, but stuck in complacency not knowing what to do. Eventually one way or another it has to end.
And they always do end after a year or so. On average most relationships end after 2 years, 7 years tops. And this is exactly why they don’t last. They end up finding out that they are just not compatible for long term partnership. Because the two people were never sure that they matched up right when they got together (because they probably didn’t even really know what they were looking for and who would match up with them right). This is because most people are dating others based on common interests similarities…which creates a limited that has absolutely no room for growth and becomes monotonous right off the bat. There is no contrast, and thus not enough compliment, and it lacks depth. These partnerships are often superficial and not dynamic enough to be fulfilling in any way. They occur because they are fun at first and create comfortable, easy, safe feeling intimacy that doesn’t go too deep or get too intense to scare either partner away. So after a few months two people who have been casually seeing each other and connecting around their shared interests will have found themselves in a relationship or some sort of “situationship”. But this will be mainly due to the simple routine of seeing each other, not due to deep intimacy, being “in love”, or being ideal mates. This type of relationship will seem stable, but it won’t be, because it will be boring, which will end up frustrating. After several months the routine of seeing each other which formed the basis of the very monotonous relationship you are in will feel like a prison you are just itching to break out of. You will realize how painfully bored and unfulfilled you are and how much this partner actually annoys you, and will leave after having wasting months or years of your life on yet another person who just wasn’t a good match (and there’s only so long you can do that for).
You see complimenting one another means that you fill in each others gaps and help one another to become more complete. And you can introduce new ideas to the other person they wouldn’t have thought of on their own allowing them to triangulate their perspective and broaden their frame of reference, and also broaden their horizons by introducing new things to them to try that they wouldn’t have tried on their own. It means having strengths where the other has weaknesses, and giving them that strength when they need it so that they can become stronger and more empowered to grow and succeed more than they would have alone.
And isn’t that what relationships are supposed to be about? Two people enhancing one another’s life by bringing new things to the table which compliment what one another already has. Its this the compliment each provides to one another’s personality that makes two people compatible and thus good life partners. They don’t require each other to agree or share every opinion and viewpoint. It is having enough contrast between the two partners that allows people to balance and harmonize. It is like the theory of Yin and Yang, which I’m sure you’ve heard of before (and it is Yin, not Ying). This theory states that there are dual archetypes in reality, one Masculine, Active, Dominant, Hot, Light, etc, and the other Feminine, passive, submissive, cool, dark etc. These two are equal opposites that fit in together perfectly, each one providing perfect counter balance for it’s opposite, harmonizing with it in perfect unity and union, and feeding into it in a perfect cycle. If you are not familiar with this theory and would like to read more on it, you may do so by clicking this link here.
Let us also look at this idea along a spectrum of two different polarities, like a balance beam. Because you yourself only possess certain character traits and qualities, strengths and abilities, etc. so all of your traits will generally be on one side of the spectrum. In a partnership, you would have the opportunity to enhance what you already have with some complimentary characteristics which you do not have. As a male or female, you will have a certain predisposition to be a certain way, either within the Yin (feminine) or Yang (masculine) category, which will be very different from someone who is in the opposite archetype. So where you are by yourself on the spectrum will generally not be balanced in the center, but off to the left or right. Most people are either left or right brained, and thus posses radically different mental qualities because of that. Most people’s socio-political ideation also tends to be either left or right. So you are already not a balanced person. And if you were to choose a partner who sits exactly where you do on the spectrum and has the same polarity, you will only be creating further imbalance. You need someone with equal but opposite polarity. If you can find someone who has some more contrasting characteristics, you will be able to achieve balance. And not only that but harmony and synergy which is very fulfilling. But you need to find someone who is your equal opposite in order for you to be fulfilled. You need to find someone who compliments you, because that is the only way that they can complete you by filling in your gaps and “holes”. Just as how nature follows a similar model and requires 2 equal but opposite bodies to fit together like puzzle pieces for sex and reproduction. The same goes for the mental paradigm as well.
Dating someone who is a lot like yourself only causes further imbalance, and goes against the law of attraction. You see because of the opposite polarity between masculine and feminine these two are attracted to each other because it is their nature as bi-polar extremes to seek their opposite for balance. When you are dating someone who does not provide that and is too much like you, it is like pairing yin with yin or yang with yang…just another one of your side of the pole being added on to your side of the pole, it is enough to completely disbalance the balance beam. This is why magnets are only attracted to their polar opposite. Trying to pair yourself with someone who is of your same polarity is just not an attractive idea, it is like trying to stick a north pole of a magnet with another north pole, or south with south…like does not attract like in polarity, they repel each other. Only opposites attract. Because there is nothing contrasting enough about them to cause them to bond up (just like two puzzle pieces that don’t contrast wont link up.) People are supposed to fit together like puzzle pieces, and the right ones will be attracted to each other like magnets. And attraction is a universal law.
It is through this complimentary energy and synergy that two people can be more and do more together than they can alone. And why partnerships are so vital to us human beings. For two people together are greater than the sum of their parts. When two people who match up well combine all of the dynamics of their characters together the effect is exponential. But this is not a one dimensional concept. It is not just about polarity and balance, which is why Yin and Yang are not just two points on pole. There are more dynamics involved, because people are multi-dimensional. So you cannot look at things in a 2 dimensional way. Especially with relationships, because ideally as I said before, two people coming together are equal to greater than the sum of their parts, meaning that one plus one doesn’t equal 2. It would equal 11…or something like that haha. So the image you should have in your head of two people coming together in perfect balance is not just of two people standing on the left and right of a balance beam. Think of the Yin/Yang symbol. Two different sides of the same token. Each one fitting into the other perfectly, providing perfect contrast and counter-balance. Filling and feeding into each other in perfect harmony. Giving more where the other has less. Giving strength where one another is weak. And most importantly, each with the heart of one another at its center. So that Yin is actually part Yang, and Yang is actually part Yin.
So they do have some similarity and sameness. But not much, just the right measure. And they are not mirrors of one another either, it may seem it, but they are not. They are simply equal opposites (with some sameness haha). And you may be thinking with all this “anti-similarity” rhetoric that you should just ignore similarities, which is also not the case. You don’t want to try to find someone who is your absolute opposite, someone who disagrees with everything you say/do would not be fun. You need some common ground, and to be relatively alike. Meaning that you have to be close enough in perspective to be able to see things from each others point of view and respect where one another is coming from, finding it relatable, but not having it be the way you yourself would have originally thought. You need someone who will introduce you to new things that you will oftentimes find enjoyable or enriching, but who you have a shared respect with so that you can disagree or tell each other when you don’t like something or have some sort of difference. Someone who you can celebrate the differences between just as you do with the commonalities. It is not just about having contrast, or even a certain level of it, but about having the right type of contrast. It is a dynamic mix of commonality and contrast to compliment each other the right ways for your unique individual personalities (and of course everyone is different so there is no one absolute blueprint for matchmaking).
What people these days need to learn how to do is continue dating people who they happen to disagree with sometimes, even a lot of the time. Too often people will just assume they are not compatable with someone once they have started disagreeing with them on some things. Which leads people to either ending up in those types of partnerships that are just boring and monotonous that I described earlier, or worse, always being alone and lonely. Realize that being in a good relationship means not always agreeing or thinking/being exactly alike. When you do disagree being able to have a discussion so that you can come to an accord together. It is in this way that two minds can teach each other and become more intelligent together, and also share thoughts and feelings and pieces of yourself, and thus through this sharing and synergy they can become better partners with a deeper intimacy and psychic bond. And that is an amazing feeling to have. What you need to find is someone who respects and appreciates you and everything you have to offer, who takes some and leaves others, and brings an equal amount to the table for you to take from as well. Through this sharing you can have a synergistic affect together because by combining strengths and resources you become stronger and more resourceful and thus exponentially empowered….This synergy has an especially empowering mental dynamic in that when two people combine their intelligence, intellect, perspective, philosophies, and other mental processes and states it does what is called “triangulation”, in which their two states (of mind) produce a third greater one. This higher consciousness that two people can achieve together will be a much more intelligent and enlightened one that would be much more difficult to achieve alone.
So as you can see the growth potential within the right partnership is very great. You can grow more in a partnership and make much more progress in life than you can alone. That is, as long as you have chosen a partner who compliments you and your relationship is not 2 dimensional, monotonous, boring and frustrating. Relationships should be dynamic, progressive, fulfilling and growth oriented. And when they are they are ironically a very self actualizing thing. You just need to find someone who is your perfect match or your “soul mate”. Then you will be able to live a much more meaningful life, and in many ways it will be like enhancing your own individual identity with that of another, just as long as you don’t “lose yourself” in the union. You can even become spiritually “at one” with your partner, while mentally maintaining or own sense of independence. It is this type of relationship dynamic that is called being “interdependent” – when two partners are able to share everything and empower each other with one anothers strengths, but is not dependent upon one another so they do not have an unhealthy attachment, and they have still retained their own sense of self and independence. This is the key to having a healthy and happy relationship. And when you are in one of these relationships life will be exponentially better than if you were alone.
However, speaking of polarity, something you should also know is that the type of synergy that comes from a couple of people who match up well works the same inversely. So the same will be true in reverse for a couple who matches up negatively. A negative combination will have negative synergy and exponentially negative effects, and can be intense, explosive and abusive. And this is how extremely unhealthy relationships are formed. And such relationships have a very powerful negative influence on us and should be avoided. Which is just another reason why it is so important to understand match making and compatibility. Because knowing it may be the difference between an abusive and oppressive relationship, or finding true love with your ideal mate and marital bliss.
So when dating and conversing with your potential romantic interests and uncovering common interests, do not make the mistake that so many people do and jump every time you discover that you like the same thing and think to yourself “wow they like x too? They could be the one!”, stop yourself and know that that is just hormones talking. Take time to deeply explore one another’s personality and character. Find out who they really are as a person. Connect with people psychologically, both intellectually and emotionally. Don’t be afraid of true intimacy. In this way you will be able to really see how you match up with them and if your personality types are compatible and complimentary. And when you do discover differences don’t just think to yourself “uh oh, they don’t like/agree with X, I guess they may really not be “the one”. For this is just being dismissive, and you now know how important, interesting and exciting those differences actually are. It is because you are two different individuals that you have things to offer one another.
What you need to know is what you really want and need in a relationship and why. And what type of person you want to be with who matches up with your own personality type best. So it all starts with understanding yourself more. And then you will know what your wants and needs are and how they can get fulfilled. And when it comes to dating and mate selection/matchmaking so that you may find your ideal mate, you need to have a scientific system in place to make sure you can get it, and not end up in one of those boring relationships, or worse, a horribly unhealthy and even abusive one. For with the right match-making system you can find a personality who will perfectly compliment yours and who you can have true love and the most intense synergy with, which is a feeling so good that it is practically orgasmic. Which is why when most people dream of being happy and living their dream life, they imagine themselves in a happy loving partnership.
When you are dating without the right selection process and match making system, just using natural trial and error with one person at a time seeing who it works with and who it doesn’t, you will spend years or even decades trying out different people before you will have even a remote statistical probability of finding the right fit for your unique personality. For it is true that finding the right match is like finding a needle in a hay stack. And the more specific of a personality type you have the more specific of a match you will need, and the more rare that kind of match will become. Chances are that your ideal mate is only 1 in 1,000 people at best, or probably more like 1 in 10,000, possibly more. This is why many people take decades before finding “the one” for them. And many people never find it at all and live a lonely life and die alone.
But you don’t have to wait until you are in your 40’s or more to find true love. What you need is a scientific and systematic approach. For with the right science based system, you can cut all of the trial and error and guess work out of dating and match making, and make sure that you are able to get your ideal match quickly and easily. And that is exactly what I have done as a Social Scientist in engineering my Easy Automated Mate Getting System, which you can learn more about and how to use to systematize your dating life so that you can find your perfect mate quickly and easily by clicking this link here now!
And you can enjoy getting the love life of your dreams!