True Life Relationships – What Is Love Really? The Science Explained!
What is “Love” Really? The Complete Science Explained!
In this article I am going to be talking about and explaining the actual science of everyone’s favorite topic: LOVE!
Love is the biggest thing that everyone seeks after in life. That or something resembling love. It is one of the greatest human desires, and not only that but one of the greatest human needs. But why is that?
It’s not just because love feels better than anything else in this world (next to sex of course, which is a part of love). Its because of what is behind those good feelings and why exactly love feels so good. You see love is actually a function of evolutionary psychology that is very meaningful….but not in the ways that you think!
I’m sure that everyone can agree that love goes beyond just the physical sexual aspects that two people can share when they have chemistry. That it is of course an emotion with deep psychological implications. Many others feel that it is something that goes even beyond that, something spiritual or energetic. We are going to explore these two dynamics today.
There is an actual chemical function of love in the brain that serves a very specific function in human existence. And understanding this is very enlightening and can make sure that you are never being fooled by your own brain into love relationships that are not real, because many peoples brains do do this to them and this is where unhealthy relationships come from.
And there is also an actual social psychology to love as well which is taught by members of the relationship and dating industry such as my friend Relationship Therapist and Psychologist Meriana Dinkova, which comes from the academic social psychology university courses taught by professors such as Robert Sternberg the Dean of Yale University. I am going to teach you about this social psychology of love so that you can make sure that when you find yourself entering into a love relationship you know exactly what dynamics are supposed to be in play in order to make it a good one (or in other words, a healthy and holistically balanced and complete one), rather than an imbalanced, limited one that will only disappoint you in the end and could be rather unhealthy.
We are also going to look at the social psychology of two different kinds of love, one unhealthy, and one healthy.
And lastly I am going to explore the energetic and spiritual aspects of love. This will also have two aspects: The actual energetic quantuum mechanics of it, and the metaphysical and theological aspects. This spiritual dimension of love is something that many people feel but find hard to define, but is important if one is really going to experience love truly. For if you are experiencing something that you cannot actually wrap your head around the experience can be quite confusing and discomobulating. This is why many people when they find themselves “falling in love” and having such powerful ethereal feelings that they cannot understand, they find themselves overwhelmed rather than overjoyed, and end up experiencing emotional chaos and sabotaging an otherwise good relationship. So we will be sure to explore those dynamics as well which can be useful to you even (and especially) if you are not a spiritual person so that if you find yourself having that experience it will be something you can understand.
The Evolutionary Psychology and Chemical Reaction
First I will illustrate the Evolutionary Psychology and Chemistry of love in the brain, as I believe that is the most fundamental aspect to it. What really produces that emotional (and physical) “feeling” that most call love. For that is all that most people experience love as, but yet that feeling is an actual thing. And most people do not know what love is apart from a feeling. Indeed whenever a girl tells me she loves me, or that she loves some other guy, I will ask her “what does that mean? What is love exactly?” And she will say something along the lines of “I don’t know how to describe it I just feel it.” But how can something be real when it cannot be described or defined? And what’s more is why and how should something have so much influence and control over you when you do not know what it is? It is very important to know what is actually happening inside of you in order for you to make sure that what is going on is actually healthy and should be happening. Because love is like a drug, you see. And you wouldn’t want to do a drug without knowing exactly what it was going to be doing to your brain right?
You see this analogy is actually not a metaphor at all. Love is in fact a drug, a chemical in our brains called oxytocin. And much like the chemicals in drugs such as marijuana or ecstacy, it produces feelings of euphoria in the brain, which have both emotional and physical aspects. One will feel like they are “High” when they are on it. However when it goes away one will feel withdrawal symptoms, experiencing depression and even physical loss of energy or pain.
The reason for this is that oxytocin is actually what is called a “Pair Bonding Hormone”. It is an Evolutionary Psychology brain trigger that is meant to cause a physical and emotional attachment to people you consider to be good mates, and who you see yourself beginning to become mates with. This chemical reaction ensures that if you two are to bear a child that child is going to be taken care of by the both of you together so that it does not die and deplete the resources of the mother in the process and possibly take her with it. It is a very powerful chemical reaction in the brain that we have little to no control over and will occur without our knowing or permission even if we are not in a relationship with the person, even if they are not someone we should be developing feelings for. However knowing about this chemical reaction can help to make sure it does not occur for the wrong people. But that is not enough to stop it. You must also know what causes this type of reaction so that you can stop the process that causes it.
This reaction is caused by spending long lengths of time in very close proximity with someone who is attractive. It is caused by having sexual relations with someone on an ongoing basis even if they are not “boyfriend/girlfriend material”. It is caused by doing romantic activities with someone such as cuddling, dancing, going for long walks in the sunset and talking about deep intellectual topics such as thoughts and feelings, or even just watching a romantic movie or listening to romantic music with someone. And it can even be caused by eating a lot of chocolate around someone, as chocolate happens to contain large amounts of oxytocin.
So doing any of these things with someone can cause you to fall uncontrollably in love with them even if they are not an actually healthy mate for you, and this is how unhealthy and even abusive relationships are formed. Two people who are attracted to one another just so happen to spend a lot of time in close proximity and end up having sex a few times and next thing they know they feel as though they are in love with one another even though they are not at all a good match and happen to fight all the time. But no matter how much they fight they just cant stand to be away from each other or shake the feeling of loving one another and thus they continue to see each other and have sex and the feelings continue to surmount, as does the other emotional turmoil.
Now oxytocin is not a bad thing, it is actually a wonderful thing. In fact it causes increased neuroplasticity in the brain, which basically means that the brain becomes more adaptive and able to change and thus improve when you are experiencing love. This means that if you choose a healthy partner who can have a positive influence on you they can help you to gain intelligence and mental mastery and grow as a human being in many ways. And thus love can be a very beautiful thing when in the context of a healthy growth oriented relationship. And the two partners can reach new levels of being together.
But it also means that if it is an unhealthy relationship that the two partners brains can deteriorate neurologically and they can both become mentally ill even if they were not before. This is something I am sure you have seen happen to couples before. So beware falling for the wrong person. You see evolutionary psychology has not yet adapted to contraception. It still thinks that if two people are having sex that they are definitely making babies and thus must stay together in order for the baby and mother to survive the pregnancy and child rearing. So while you can still have casual sex with partners who you may not wish to marry – indeed, I encourage it, and think it is very important to be sexually active in order to be sexually healthy and happy as a person, even (and especially) if you are not looking to get married to any of your prospects at this point in your life – As a matter of fact getting married when you have not had an active sexual history is a bad idea, because you will be deciding on your marriage partner out of feelings of sexual lack, and that can cause you to make the wrong decision.
The key here is to make sure that you are not overdoing any of the causes of oxytocin with the wrong people. Don’t have sex, dance, watch romantic movies, or spend a ton of time in very close proximity with anyone you cant see yourself becoming a couple with, because that is how coupleships are formed even if you two don’t actually belong together. And if you do have a consistant dance partner, or an attractive friend or even colleague who you would have never wanted to date but after some time you just happen to find yourself caring about them and wanting them in ways you never did…know that this is due to the brain starting to produce oxytocin and remember the fact that you never considered them to be a prospective suitor until this chemical reaction started taking place…and you should really consider distancing yourself from them unless you want it to get really intense and turn into the dreaded “falling in love” (which is a very bad experience when it happens for someone you do not actually want).
Next lets talk about the social psychology of love, and what it is in the context of your interpersonal relationship, which I learned from the Esteemed Robert Sternburg, dean of Yale University. This will go beyond the evolutionary function and chemistry of feelings of love, and teach you exactly how love works psychologically in your actual social relations and how you can make it work for you in the right (healthy, wholesome, balanced and fulfilling) ways.
The Social Psychology of Love Relations
True Love is actually made up of 3 distinct components, deliniated by renowned psychologist Robert Sternberg in his “Triangular Theory of Love”. Those components are:
1.) Intimacy (Psychological/Emotional)
2.) Passion (Romantic/Sexual)
3.) Commitment (The conscious decision to be and stay with the person)
If you do not have all 3 components you do not actually have real love. What you have is Oxycontin and other pair-bonding hormones causing feelings of sexual desire, intensely liking the person, wanting to be around the person, caring about the person emotionally, feeling connected to them, etc…and you may even have 1 or 2 of the components, perhaps very strongly. But you do not have a real love relationship without all 3. That is what constitutes being “In” love – at least in the relationship sense, not that you cannot love someone who doesn’t feel love for you back, isn’t there for you emotionally, doesn’t want to be with you in commitment, isn’t sexually physical with you, etc…but that is not only not a love relationship but it of course is not psychologically healthy for you and can not be considered true love since it is not complete or reciprocal and thus you should abandon that prospect and look for real love elsewhere.
But let us define and explain these three elements that constitute love.
Intimacy – the bonding and connection you share where you get to know each other on a deeper level that you do not with most people.
Passion – The driving romantic force and physical attraction and sexuality in a relationship
Decision to commit – You must (both) consciously label this as a love relationship, as it is not truly love if you do not (both) call it that, and you must (both) have a desire and decision to maintain an ongoing relationship with the other person.
Now that is not to say that you cannot have loving feelings for any number of people such as friends and family, but that is not the same as being “In love” in the romantic context. And if you only have one of these components with someone then it is not love but a more simple dynamic such as a casual sexual relationship, or close friendship, and should not be considered “love” in that sense.
If you have 2 of these components then it is almost love in that sense, but still falls short and you must bring about the third for it to become true love. Which is possible. However if you find that you cannot you must move on otherwise you are pursuing an unfruitful relationship which is very psychologically unhealthy for you. However in many cases you can deliberately bring about the missing third component. Just as how many people who have intimacy and passion but are not in a committed relationship at some point discuss the idea of a relationship and make a mutual decision to commit to one another. So let us talk about the social psychology of how love develops, and how one can deliberately cause it to develop. But first let us look at the social science of attraction and the psychology of how love generally develops naturally without deliberation. Here are 7 scientifically proven facts on how love and romantic relations develop:
- Attractiveness is something that people generally do not want to admit is a factor in forming loving relationships, but a special check list of personality traits are…however studies have shown that people continue to see those who they find attractive and not those who have the list of personality traits they claim or think that they want. Which means that attraction is a great factor in forming love relationships, and people will form them with those they are attracted to (or in other words, experience attraction with, since attraction is something that can be manipulated and is not either simply there or not)…and will forego those who look good on paper and are otherwise ideal. So in the interest of cultivating love it is less important to attempt to show yourself as an ideal mate but to focus on cultivating your attractiveness as a man or woman, and cultivating the experience of attraction between you and your prospect.
- As I noted before when explaining the chemistry, those who spend a lot of time in close proximity are likely to develop loving feelings for one another, even if you are not a good match. However lets explore the social psychology of this now. This is not just due to a mere chemical reaction, but a much greater psychological dynamic. You see Familiarity breeds comfort with someone, as well as fondness, and finally attraction. So if you want someone to fall in love with you the first step is to spend a lot more time close to them without doing anything repulsive, because them simply seeing you near them a lot will cause them to feel familiarity for you, which will cause them to feel comfortable with you, and then fond of you, and eventually attracted to you. However you generally need more than just time and proximity, but those two are the basis of love and can sometimes even be all it takes (though not the healthy reasons for choosing a partner of course, and the people who choose partners for these simplistic reasons are usually living in social/sexual lack as I mentioned earlier).
- People are attracted to those they feel are similar to themselves, so focusing on similarities and common interests will cultivate not only rapport but loving feelings. Opposites generally repel from one another, and like attracts like as it is said in the law of attraction. And this will work just so long as you do not make it obvious that you are trying for rapport or trying to manipulatively make yourself seem similar to the other person, as that is quite a repulsive trait.
- Interestingly we are attracted to those who are competent but not overly competent. We want people we appreciate the qualities of but who we do not feel dwarfed by. So we do not want people who seem near perfect, we want people who are on our level. So a person with a lot going for them will often cause others who have less going for them to experience feelings of insecurity or disconnect while around them…However they will actually seem more endearing when they do something awkward or do things to seem mediocre. A mediocre person who blunders and acts silly will look bad, however an above average person who does so will look charming and cute. So be sure to not sell yourself too high to your prospective mates or display too high of value, but if you do have a lot going for you, try to downplay it and also feel free to take the liberty to act not only normal but silly, and it will make you seem much more genuinely human and attainable, as well as endearing and lovable.
- Studies have shown that we like others who we find attractive and who like us back…but we get frustrated by those who we find attractive but have not shown a liking to us and will try to win their approval. While those we do not find attractive we do not care about the opinions of. So what is most moving to us and is most attractive to us are those who do not show us their approval or regard at first, but then do so over time. Our connections with these people seem most special and we value them more because we have “earned” their approval. So the secret here is to not give away all of your approval and validation too soon to someone, but make them earn it and work to “win you over”. Act unsure about them at first and then show your appreciation once they have really shared the value they have to share with you. When you make someone win you over and they feel like they have really earned your appreciation and approval it will mean much more to them than if you liked them right away for little to no reason (other than their physical appearance), and this can give way to love rather than just physical attraction.
- Intoxicants such as alcohol and caffeine will make people feel the feelings and sensations associated with falling in love. This is why coffee dates and drink dates are such common and effective dates for those who are not very romantically creative. But also adrenaline provoking experiences can make us feel these sensations as well, which is why adventurous activities are also highly effective dates (and are much greater than simply going out for coffee and drinks, and more memorable.) This function is called the misattributed arousal. Make it work for you, as these feelings of arousal can not be denied by the person feeling them even when their situational attribution (of being drunk, or having adrenaline pumping and feeling romantically taken with you due to the date you went on rather than who you are) is obvious to them. It is highly effective and is why certain types of dates can produce sex, feelings of love, and love relationships.
- Finally, if someone thinks they are being aroused by someone, whether they actually are or not…even if it is just their heart beating faster due to the fact that they drank caffeine or went hiking together, or the fact that they are intoxicated on wine, they will in fact attribute it to the person they are with and assume that they are developing feelings for them. And all of the feelings produced by the date activities will then be psychologically anchored to that person as well, and are not just transient. However feelings of elevated adrenaline levels and other hormones and heightened emotions that can cause someone to feel aroused and romantically attached to someone can also be produced when your partner is physically aggressive towards you, and this is why many people end up in abusive relationships, so be sure to watch out of that and be conscious of it if it is ever happening so that you can stop it.
Knowing these scientific facts, once you create feelings of connectedness and attraction, you can create feelings of arousal and romance, and from them you can create feelings of love with someone. However in creating love one must make sure that the two of you are a good match, and that the relationship would be healthy. And you also must make sure that the relationship would be balanced and complete with the three components of love that are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. So if you have intimacy and passion with someone who you are falling in love with, be sure to discuss commitment before you allow yourself to fall in love with them completely, as you may be heart broken. And if you have intimacy and commitment with someone but no romantic passion, be sure to get more physical and explore your sexual dynamic more together in order to create an actual romantic love relationship with them. And if you have passion and commitment with someone but no intimacy, be sure to connect with them more emotionally in order to experience true love.
Once you have all three, you have a real true love relationship that will be complete, balanced, wholesome, fulfilling and hopefully long lasting as well.
But now let us take a moment to go over the social science of the two types of love found in love relationships and how they manifest.
The 2 Kinds Of Love
In social science there are 2 very different and opposite types of love as I stated before. And one of them is healthy in the context of a romantic relationship, while another is the healthy one.
The first kind of love is “Need Fulfillment Based Love”.
This is love that is caused by the fulfillment of emotional and/or physical needs. When a person fulfills these needs you feel better, you feel good, and these good feelings being caused by them, get projected onto them and turned into feelings of love for them.
This is the type of love feelings that children experience for their parents. Or women who live in cultures where they have no freedom or rights and live very poorly may develop for a husband who provides a better life for them than they had before. And it is a kind of love that many other people in different situations can experience as well.
The second kind of love is called “Pure Unconditional Love”.
This type of love is based upon feelings of emotional and physical affection for someone who you do not need. This is when two independent and emotionally healthy people who do not need each other feel attraction, affection, connection and romance for one another which turns into love.
I am sure that you can guess which one of these is the healthy one and which one is not, but just in case I absolutely must spell it out for you…if perhaps you are stuck in the previous type of paradigm and saying “well I think it is ok for me to love someone who I need, it feels like true love…it can be true love”…well no. in the romantic relationship context need fulfillment based love is not healthy, and only unconditional affection based love is the healthy one.
Now this is not to say that you cannot love people who fulfill needs in your life, such as your parents, friends, or coworkers. But that is not the same as romantic love. In the context of romantic love your love must be unconditional and not based on a need that they fulfill, especially monetary or survival based. Otherwise this is what is called “co-dependence”, and that is where unhealthy relationships come from. In order to experience true love you must first be two independent people.
Now you must understand that you can feel a very powerful and real experience of love because someone fulfills your needs…someone who happens to be a member of the opposite sex who wants to have a sexual relationship with you and does so by offering to pay your bills and take care of you. This is especially common in women. And this also stems from our evolutionary psychology and the basic human need to survive, especially for women with the possibility of bearing children.
It can be hard for a woman who is in need to deny the help of a well off man, even if she is not attracted to him mentally or physically. And she may accept financial help from him and have sex with him in return, either due to a verbal agreement or not, either of which is technically prostitution, and is actually the case in many marriages and happens to be one of the reasons why marriage was invented – for parents to pimp out women to men in a life long contract in order to make sure that their daughters and blood lines were taken care of. And what happens is that when this man provides a better lifestyle for this woman, thus making her feel better in many ways physically and mentally, she associates these good feelings with him which turns into feelings of love. On top of that when they engage in a sexual relationship, it may or may not be pleasant for her, but it does not matter because either way her brain is going to produce pairbonding hormones for him (and if it is pleasant there will just be more of them.) And thus she finds herself feeling as though she is in love with him. When in actuality it is simply a chemical illusion produced by her brain to mask the fact that it is really an unhealthy attachment and codependence so that her and her offsprings survival will be ensured. And this is why many of these women will stay in relationships with a strong provider male even though he may be abusive, because she feels she loves him, when in reality after years of abuse she may finally admit to herself that she had been staying because she feels like she had no choice. So if this seems like it may be the case for you, or you may be in danger of having this happen, be sure to prevent it because these cases can be some of the worst case scenarios imaginable. I know because I have seen many female friends and had many female clients in these relationship paradigms, and they are painful to witness, let alone be in.
Now that is not to say that a lover cannot provide for another lover. However many men choose to use providing as their incentive to get women into sexual relationships and try to manipulate their love. And even if they are not abusive these relationships can be very emotionally unhealthy. In some cases it will not be. I have had girls who loved me leave me for provider males (since I refuse to be a provider for women so as to ensure the love we share is true), perhaps simply because they were young and did not have the money they needed to lead the lifestyle they wanted and could not refuse a good boyfriend who offered it. And because he was a good boyfriend the relationship was not unhealthy, it prospered, and I had no qualms about it other than the fact that I felt I could have contributed more emotionally to the girl. But it was a good relationship that they had and so I would not interfere. That was her conscious choice and it was not an unhealthy one.
But was it true love? No probably not. It was need fulfillment based love. It was not unconditional. There were conditions being placed on the love. “I will love you because you play this role in my life and do this for me, and my love for you will continue as long as you continue to do that.”
That is not the kind of love I want a girl to feel for me.
In order for love to be both healthy and true it must not be based on any conditions aside from the fact that the person be a healthy and good match for you. Sure your love can be conditional on the fact that they be emotionally healthy and not abusive. But it should not be conditional upon them providing for any of your needs, because that is not true love and in most cases causes unhealthy relationships. In order to share true love the two partners must be independent. When this is the case the relationship dynamic they can produce can be one of “interdependence” rather than “co-dependence”.
So that is not to say that the two partners cannot provide value in one anothers lives. In fact they should make valued contributions to one another. That is the beauty of relationship dynamics and how two people can match up in a way that produces synergy because of how they add to one anothers life, and thus together they can achieve a new greater level of existence together. But it should not be based on things that they need from one another, but things that are an addition to their already independent lifestyle. This is a value sharing relationship paradigm rather than a value sucking relationship paradigm.
When you are value sucking in your relationship you are making this person out to be like your mother or father, which is an immature way of loving and you need to experience more growth and achieve some independence and self actualization so that you do not fall into this emotional trap and can have a healthy relationship that will produce true love. And when you are someone who is whole and complete in and of themselves and you meet someone who is also like you in that way, but a complimentary match who fits you perfectly and you two come together in love, the synergy you produce in the ways that you contribute to one anothers reality is amazing and will take you to heights that you never imagined. I know it sounds new agey but that is how sexuality and romance work. So make sure you go about finding love in the healthy way and make sure it is pure and unconditional rather than need based.
And now that we have touched upon the synergy produced by love, lets explore the more ethereal dimension of love. The physics and metaphysics of love! We will start with the physics.
The Physics of Love
Many people experience a spiritual dimension of love, something they cannot explain about it, how it is more than just a feeling. And they are right.
In the realm of physics, there is actually an energy that is exchanged between two people who have this intimate of a connection. No I am not talking about “love energy” in the new age sense, although I am a very spiritual person, in fact a metaphysicist, shaman, and tantric yogi, so I certainly do believe in love energy in the spiritual sense and that it could exist on certain energetic frequencies as corroborated by science, such as 528hz…however that was not what I was referring to. In fact I am talking about quantum mechanics.
Two bodies when in an intimate relationship will exchange what are called ions. These are groups of subatomic particles, like atoms and molecules but not to be confused with either of those things. These ion groups are groups of particles, each of which has a negative charge of a positive one. These charges are just like a the charges of magnetic poles. They exist as such because most (80%) of the universe is comprised of what is called “electromagnetic energy”. This energy travels in waves, the lengths of which are called frequencies. The most intense energy waves can charge themselves into physical particles. Thus it is no just new agey mumbo jumbo to say that all mater is just vibrating energy, and that two people in love are sharing a lot of energies. This is in fact within the realm of quantum physics. Now there are many energies that people emit and receive from their bodies and brains. Electromagnetic energy, radiation, and particles. The particles that I mentioned before are ions, which can occur in groups that have a total charge that is positive or negative, and this is due to their constituent particles each having a positive or negative charge. The negatively charged ones are good (or healthy) and the positively charged ones are bad (or unhealthy). If there are more negatively charged ions in the group then the group has an overall negative charge, and vice versa. It is the groups task to find balance by exchanging particles with other ion groups that compliment them in order to neutralize their collective charge so that they are balanced between positive and negative.
When two people have an intimate relationship they exchange a lot of energy, and particles between them. Namely they exchange a lot ions. What happens when two people get used to exchanging a lot of ions over time? Well they become ionically dependent upon one another. Similar to the co-dependence spoken of above. However this does not have to be unhealthy, though it certainly can be.
You see if the two people are not electromagnetically complimentary in their charges, they will never balance each other out, but will constantly be feeding off of one anothers ionic particles trying to neutralize their own groups in a perpetual vicious circle.
And there is a third type of ion besides a negative or positive one that is very important for you to know about. This is called a free radical. This is an ion without a group. It occurs when it has been kicked out of a group during this balancing process, and it then floats about looking for a new group to integrate itself into, which is usually done in a manner which creates dis-balance in that group. Free radicals have been known to cause horrible diseases such as cancer. So it is important to make sure that you are physically compatible with the person you choose to be in a love relationship with, for doing so will produce a physical dependence upon them on a quantum level for better or worse. When they are not around you will tend to crave their energy. There is just a vibe you get from being in their presence that you miss. This could be the synergy that you two produce together which has such an elating feeling to you. Or it could be more like being addicted to a bad drug, it doesn’t matter how it makes you feel you just want more of it and when it goes away you go into physical withdrawal.
And of course there are other quantum particles and energies that people emit and receive as I stated. Some healthy others unhealthy. Electromagnetic energy is generally healthy. Radiation is generally unhealthy. Peoples brains in fact emit both of these. And scientific studies have been conducted which have shown that peoples brains will emit these energies based upon their thoughts and feelings, and that the brains also receive these energies which, for people who have a greater mental capacity for awareness of such things, causes psychic phenomenon. In fact two people who are extremely intimate and spend a lot of time together can develop a “psychic link”. This is very common amongst twins, however it can happen amongst other family members, and lovers. This is why certain people when they are in love may experience thinking the same thing at the same time, and so much synchronicity in their thoughts, words and behaviors that they believe they are “soul mates”. This may seem far fetched to those who haven’t experienced it and like it is simply something out of a romance movie or song, but it is not only possible but probably more common than you think. In fact it occurred a lot in my last relationship. And while I am not going to be going fully in depth on the science of psychic phenomenon, what is important for you to know is that such things are basic physics and the fact is that you will be in fact exchanging a lot of energies with the person you choose to be intimate with.
However if this is someone who has a generally bad attitude or gives you a “bad vibe”, that would be an indicator that the energies they might be sharing with you could be very unhealthy, and you should distance yourself from them. But then in the cases of good healthy love relationships the sharing of energies can mean all kinds of benefits, physical mental and spiritual (if you are a spiritual person).
But lets stay with the physical for now. How can one experience physical benefits from being around someone who has good “energy”? Well studies have shown that children who were put up for adoption who had genetic disorders and were adopted by healthy positive families had the disorders go away and became completely healthy.
However contrarily what happens to children who are healthy and adopted by families who have genetic health problems? (Which are probably actually due to having bad attitudes and energies as science has proven in numerous studies that your attitude does in fact effect your health). Well, unfortunately they develop the same genetic health problems shared by the family. Because physical disease, like all physical matter, is actually energetic in nature.
And so is love.
So when considering a prospective lover, think to yourself, how do I feel when I am around them? Not because of anything they are saying or doing. Not because of things I am thinking to myself. But when I just clear all that away and focus on their physical presence in front of me what kind of vibe do I get from them?
You see the term vibe is a common one these days which is derived from the word vibration, and is used to describe a feeling you get from someone else that has nothing really to do with anything definitive or explainable by their words or behaviors…but just a distinct feeling you just always seem to get from their presence, their energy. Because that energy has a certain vibration. One that can be abrasive, even invasive which is very unhealthy to our energetic bodies which is called a bioplasm…or one that can be peaceful, soothing, elating, positive…and very healthy and helpful to you.
People who give you a bad vibe can actually have very negative energies that will have very negative impacts by detracting away from your energies, causing exhaustion and health problems. While people who give you a positive vibe can have very positive energies that can charge you with theirs and produce health benefits, change your brain waves in positive ways, help you to raise your energetic vibration and state of consciousness, among many other things! And when you can do the same for them in the context of a love relationship sexual or non-sexual, the synergistic effect can be phenomenal! And when you involve romance and sex and are able to unite your bodies in copulation the energetic effects can be quite intense, as anyone even the lowest consciousness people can feel in the neurological energetic explosion that is orgasm.
And just to let you know once again that I am not being new agey and purely scientific here I will site some more studies very specifically so that you can look them up and the scientists who conducted them up for yourselves if you are experiencing some skepticism here, as I know I am going far much deeper into the human condition than most people are used to considering.
One of the most monumental studies done on the human bioplasm or “aura” as it is called by the new agey people, was done by two early Russian scientists named Semyon and Valentina Kirlian. They had an electrophotographic process known as Kirlian or corona discharge photography, and was hailed by scientists as a way to see the invisible and until then unknown parts of the human body (which were energetic). Since then many other American scientists have used this process to conduct other studies on the human bioplasm. Joe H Slate PhD was inspired by the Kirlian process and used electrophotography in his controlled laboratory studies funded by the U.S. Army and the Parapsychology Foundation of New York, as well as several private sources. His studies started in 1974 at Athens State University and his early studies focused primarily on the corona –discharge patterns surrounding the right index fingertip. With specific controls in place the photographs he took provided a cross section of the aura surrounding the finger tip. He was able to observe certain patterns the energy took. It was found that certain people had very positive and light energies which tended to charge those around them, while some had very dark negative energies which tended to have a lacerating and leeching effect on those around them. It is very important to know how to protect yourself from what are known as “energy vampires” and be able to consciously surround yourself with those who have positive energies with a complimentary effect to yours so that you can have the aforementioned synergy. Dr. Slate’s work is detailed in his book “Psychic Vampires” from which all of the information in this paragraph was taken, and is a highly recommended read for anyone concerned about the effects these vampiric people may be having on them. It certainly helped me when I found myself in an unhealthy relationship, I can tell you that.
But generally speaking for the average human being who does not feel like they are currently in danger I would just advise others to be clear headed, focused, and conscious of the people you surround yourself with and how they make you feel when you are focusing on being present to the moment with them. After all, how else will you know if your love is true anyways? Unfortunately this type of clear and present focus is not something many people practice these days, however it is quite easy to do when you try and once you get the hang of it. So I would recommend you start doing so, so that you can not only start making the best choices over who to get close to and enter into love relationships with, but so that you can really feel the love between you two most fully and completely. As there is really no greater way to truly be “in love” than by being totally present in consciousness with your lover and fully aware of and feeling the energies you two are sharing between your bodies, especially in “love making”.
And now that we have talked about all of the physics of love, let us further venture into that ethereal dimension into the metaphysics. One of the topics I find most fascinating to contemplate and right on.
The Metaphysics of Love
So we understand the evolutionary psychology of love. The chemistry. The emotions. The social psychology and social science. And even the physics now…You understand that love involves energy exchange between two people and can even be an energetic frequency itself such as 528hz…but could love possibly even be more meaningful than that?
Could love also be a spiritual phenomenon?
Many people spiritual and non-spiritual have described it as being something ineffable, something that cannot be put into existential terms and is perhaps mystical in nature, which they can only feel but not truly know because even they do not understand such things. But yet they can feel love so strongly…
Could love perhaps be the one spiritual phenomenon that everyone is able to perceive no matter what level of consciousness they are on or how spiritual or anti-spiritual they are?
For it is true that even an atheist and nihilist are capable of feeling intense feelings of love, so profound it can even mimic a psychedelic drug.
And what about you? Have you ever felt or perhaps imagined being in love so deeply that it was like a mystical experience, something out of a fairy tale? Have you ever enjoyed a passionate love affair, or perhaps simply just an epically romantic night with someone so magickal that looking back it seemed surreal, as if it was so far outside of your normal reality, like it was something out of a movie or dream? And all you wanted to do was get it back for one moment so you could feel those numinous feelings you shared with them again, and feel as though that experience was a part of your real life…
I have certainly had my share of such love affairs. And I have imagined far more. And I know that even those who have not been in love have imagined it and fantasized about it and its almost mythical like quality. True love is in fact a phenomenon that is the substance of fantasy even when it is real. For oftentimes those who are in love will say things to themselves like “I cant believe this is happening to me”, or “I cant believe this is real/true,” or “I cant believe I found someone like you,” or “I cant believe how good this feels” or “I cant believe how hard I came”…ok I’ll stop now haha.
The point is that love does indeed have a mystical quality. And yet it is also observable and measurable by science. Because while it has a spiritual essence to it that most laypeople cannot comprehend or explain in their own terms, it is something that scientific researchers and theorists can in fact explain in terms of both chemistry, physics, and metaphysics.
Love has been the topic of much great meditation and contemplation over the years by all manner of thinkers and philosophers. From romantics writing stories such as romeo and Juliet about how the nature of love and how it is so profound that it transcends life and death, to metaphysicists and religious leaders who wrote about the divine spiritual nature of love. And all of the romantic storywriters have agreed that it is powerful and transcendental, even though they never had a great conference to agree upon that idea. And similarly, somehow all of the great spiritual gurus throughout time have also agreed upon the idea that love is divine and one of the greatest and highest energies, truths, and states of being one can experience existentially and spiritually.
And how could this not be the case? So many observations and measurements by all manner of physicists, philosophers and metaphysicists have shown love to be such. And thus it is one of those things that has caused me to, even as a purely western scientific thinker, subscribe to a spiritual belief in something. And I feel as though love is a very merited thing for me to subscribe to the spiritual belief in, even though that may not sound very macho. And quite frankly I don’t give a damn if I ever say anything that isn’t very macho, I don’t subscribe to that lower consciousness machismo bullshit, in fact I’m proud to be in touch with my feminine side, it was being a good lover that caused me to become that way and being so has only caused me to become a more balanced and complete human being, and thus a better lover who can experience higher consciousness through love and the combination of my masculine energies with the feminine energies of the world.
So now let us journey into that world together.
You see just as all things in the universe have some magnetic polarity, that is negative or positive, so do man and woman. Man and woman are like two opposite ends of a magnet. Women are negatively charged (mostly, they do have some positive energy), and men are positively charged (mostly). They are like yin and yang as Taoist philosophy says. And the masculine and feminine energies compliment one another and have a certain synergy which we have already discussed.
When these two combine in romantic affection for one another they produce love, this could also be considered an actual energy produced and shared between the two. In ancient Indian philosophy this process and the many other energetic processes associated with it when these two people were united sexually is called Tantra Yoga. This is something you can look up yourself or I can teach you about, but unfortunately this is not an article on tantric yoga or sacred sexuality, its about love.
Now this is an energy that everyone can obviously feel when they are really truly “In Love” with someone (in the trust fullest way), because as described in most spiritual traditions, love is known as the highest energy in the universe.
And for those who are less spiritual and metaphysics in their thinking and more of a religious orthodoxy, they like to think of love as what god made creation through. And using that concept, I like to theorize that love then could be called the spiritual creative force that gives life to all things. And when you are experiencing love you are really experiencing creative energy, which is of course why “Love Making” between two people of opposite sexual polarity has the capabilities of producing new life between them as their energies combine to make One.
I also theorize that when you are feeling being “In love”, why it is such a powerful spiritual feeling and state because what you are really experiencing is the godhead – that ultimate consciousness that is the one universal energy that Carl Jung calls the Collective unconscious and the religious people call “God” – and you are feeling just what the godhead feels for everything it created and what it is like to be at one with everything, which is why true love feels so blissful, and does in fact feel like oneness, being one with your lover in mind body and soul.
And though this is metaphysics which is purely theoretical now, how could it not be true? All the evidence lines up…
But I will let you experience it for yourself and let you decide what you believe about what love is when you experience being “In” “True” “Love” whenever you find yourself listening to someone you realize you are sharing those feelings with. I’m sure that however that manifests for you, you’ll agree it is quite profound, and really gives life meaning. You may even say it is the meaning of life.
Seems quite spiritual to me.
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