True Life Relationships – The Most Important Point In ANY Relationship and The Formula for Finding “The One”
The more I look at other people and how they handle their dating life, and how generally unhealthy most relationships are, the more I realize how blind people are to what is really most important in relationships.
The fact of the matter is that every relationship has not only a most important time, but one single most important POINT in the relationship.
Now I know what you are probably thinking: “The most important point in ANY relationship?? Aren’t all relationships different?”
And my reply to that? -Yes, they are.
So now you’re probably thinking, “well if all relationships are different, how can they all have one single most important point?”
Because there is a single moment in every relationship that will either make it happen, or prevent it from happening, that is always the same exact moment.
And what is this one single most important point in any relationship you are probably wondering….
Well for those of you out there who think I am referring to marriage…because that seems to be the obvious turning point in any relationship…but a relationship will have already had to been brought to fruition in order for that to occur.
See the most important point in a relationship is actually much more early on than that.
Any other guesses?
Ok I’ll just go ahead and tell you. And for those of you who guessed correctly get 50 points.
Drum roll please…
…And the most important point, in any and every relationship, is….
That’s right, the moment you met is the most important moment in any relationship. This may seem overly simplistic, but this is the moment that makes the relationship possible! There is simply no more important moment!
Your approaching and meeting the person you might want to be in a relationship with is the single thing that makes it all possible…and not doing so prevents it all from being possible. Its just plain black and white. And I know you might be thinking that this is either too common sense to consider, or too basic to put a lot of emphasis on…But this is absolutely the most vital thing that you should be placing the utmost importance on!!!
Think about it, how many times have you seen someone who appeared like they might just be your “dream woman” or “dream man”…only to let them pass you by?
As a matter of fact…how many times in a week do you spot someone who fits into your ideal image of what you find attractive in the opposite sex…without even making any effort to meet them what so ever to explore whether or not they are a good match for you?
Come to think of it…how many times in any average day do you see a member of the opposite sex that you find attractive, without even approaching them to see if they might be right for you??
When WAS the last time you actually approached someone you found attractive to see what the relationship potential was between the two of you?
And no, being drunk at a bar does NOT count! Let me re-phrase that, when was the last time you approached someone while sober?
My guess is that its been a while, if ever.
But if you are one of the few people out there who can actually say that you have approached someone you found attractive in order to entertain the possibility of a relationship, within the past week or so, then good for you.
And if you are among the elite types of people so confident, that you have actually done this within the past couple/few days or less, then if you are doing this consistently and that instance was not actually an isolated event, you are most definitely on the right track to a healthy happy relationship with someone who is absolutely perfect for you, because the ideal relationship only comes from generating a healthy number of leads.
But something tells me that most of you out there probably can’t even remember the last time you approached someone you were attracted to, can you? (Again, I am not talking about that time two weekends ago when you got so drunk at the bar that you lost all you’re inhibitions).
See most men will not do this unless they are at the bar and have been drinking. AND THAT IS A PROBLEM!!!
You should not need to intoxicate yourself in order to have the ability to approach someone you find attractive! You should be able to meet women when you are in the same state of mind you live your average daily life.
And as for women approaching men? Women will almost NEVER approach a guy they want! The women who will take the initiative to approach a guy they are interested in are 1 in 1,000 by my calculations. Which is also a problem, because that means that women are NOT in control of their romantic prospects! And will almost always have to settle for someone they didn’t really choose, not by definition of the word choice. Not in that they are choosing this person out of everyone in the population in their city…but out of everyone who started a conversation with them. And that is not having a real choice in who you date. That is not being in control of your love life.
And what does this mean?
Well…just look at the current divorce rate…its more than half…why? Because people are settling down with someone who is much less than ideal for them. And after being with them for a handful of years, and continuing to see other attractive and possibly ideal prospects pass them by day in and day out…they decide that they have been missing out because they are not in a relationship with their perfect match, and need to get back out there and entertain the possibilities they have been avoiding!
You see, most relationships these days are NOT HEALTHY!!! Let alone happy…why? Because they occur due to two things:
1.) Chance encounters
and 2.) Settling for someone because you don’t really have any options
Let me break it down for you a little further:
Most couples meet these days through third party introductions, or because they work or go to school together, or are in some type of group together…and have become acquainted due to circumstances bringing them together. You see someone else had to introduce them, or some situation had to bring them together. Neither one of them had taken it upon themselves to go up to a complete stranger outside of any situational context and with no other reason than to meet them because they found them attractive, and wanted to get to know them better. Otherwise known as a “Cold Approach”. No…people generally don’t do that. They wait for the right situation in which someone attractive is going to be placed right in front of them, with an introduction and conversation and everything already situationally occurring without them having to step outside of their little comfort zone or put in the kind of effort it would take to do something like approaching an attractive stranger. No, they wait for people to be ushered to them and made acquaintances through some set of circumstances and for conversations to come up “naturally”.
Essentially, waiting for love to be handed to you on a silver platter.
And what happens when someone does this?
Well, love doesn’t get handed to them on a silver platter. They never meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, and are left to settle for the one person who the fates aligned them with circumstantially, or a person who had the bravery to do what they couldn’t and approach us to entertain the possibility of romance.
And so they feel forced to settle, because they know how often a person who they could actually date and be in a relationship with comes along…almost never! Why…if they don’t lock down this one…the next time they actually meet someone decent enough to want to be in a relationship with could be years! IF Ever!
So what do they do? They lock the person down. Not because they are an ideal match. But because they have a “Scarcity Mindset”. And scarcity is not a healthy reason to have a relationship. It produces unhealthy relationships, regrets, unhappiness, and divorce…not to mention a lot of wasted time and energy on someone who you really knew wasn’t right for you didn’t you? Maybe not emotionally, but logically.
Because I know you have probably been in a relationship before like that. One you probably wish you had back now because, while you were in it, you wanted out…but once you got out…you again found yourself not stepping outside of your comfort zone and approaching people you found attractive…and told yourself that next time someone comes your way and wants to be in a relationship with you you wont let them go…
But if you are in that place right now, I advise you very strongly not to just lock down the next person who makes it easiest for you to date them. Its just not a healthy selection process! Its based on your own weakness and fear of rejection. You just cannot select your romantic partners based on the scarcity principle, much less whoever makes it easiest for you to not put in any effort. Finding the ideal romantic partner(s) takes effort! It takes stepping outside of your comfort zone and actually meeting people of the opposite sex that you find attractive! It takes an abundant social life!
Statistically speaking, how else do you think it would be logically possible to find “The One”? Someone who is the perfect person for you out there. Do you really think that this is going to be a person who happens to be only one of a few people who you coincidentally meet because of some situational reason such as the fact that they work with you? And what kind of ultimate relationship could possibly be formed by someone who puts in absolutely no effort into cultivating their romance life??
So let me break this down into a logistical formula for you based on the principles of lead generation, which maintain that in cold approach situations you are looking at a 10% success rate. You will generally have to approach ten people in order for things to go ideally with one, (relatively speaking of course). And ideally meaning that you will form some type of connection that results in an exchange of phone numbers so that you can have an ongoing interaction. And then of ten people who you have ongoing interactions with via phone, you will generally get one of them out on a date. And of ten people you “go out with”, one of them will become an ongoing “dating relationship”. And of ten people you are dating, one will be an ideal match.
This is generally speaking of course. As there are exceptions, and times when the numbers will be more or less, especially depending on your standards and personal beliefs about relationships, the population of your social environment and the logistics involved in that, and perhaps another factor or two. But the general rule is the law of 10% returns on your leads. And dating is about lead generation.
So you should honestly not expect to meet “The One” until you have met at least 1,000 people you were attracted to and met for the purpose of entertaining and exploring the possibility of a relationship with.
And once you have practiced that kind of lead generation, you will find yourself in a relationship with the man or woman of your dreams. And when I say your dreams, I mean your wildest most ultimate fantasies.
BUT IF YOU WANT THAT YOU HAVE GOT TO BE PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE ON A CONSISTENT BASIS, MEETING ATTRACTIVE MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AND FINDING OUT IF THEY ARE ELIGIBLE FOR DATING!!!
And I know this may sound a little intimidating. Perhaps even scary. But I’m telling you, once you get the ball rolling, you will realize that it is actually a lot of fun to meet new people and be an active social animal. And you will find your dating life getting richer and more abundant…until finally…you meet someone so perfect that you know they are the right one for you to be in a relationship with. And not just any relationship, but a healthy happy one. An ideal relationship.
And that’s what everyone wants right? That’s what we are here for isn’t it? No matter how you look at it, we are here to find the most ideal sexual partner to mate with. And that’s why people become so unhappy when they realize that they have settled, and can’t stand to live their entire lives with someone who, while they may be ok and all…is just not 100% right for them! Because whatever margin of compromise they have made will seem greater, and greater, and greater over time. Until they just can’t stand to be with the person anymore! They need out of that relationship!
So understand, that it has been statistically proven that if you settle, you are bound to jump back into the dating pool again so you can play the field some more anyways. So save yourself the time and play the field now! Its the only way to find your ideal match! And its the only way to be a healthy social animal and avoid some mid-life crisis!
Besides, now you know the exact formula for the lead generation of dating. All you have to do is break it down into time tables and formulate a dating plan. So lets say for instance you are a woman who wants to get married by the age of 30, and right now you are 25. Well, if you were to approach a man a day, then logistically speaking it is a high statistical probability that you will meet Mr. Right in about three years, with a 2 year margin for error (for those days you were busy, or didn’t go out, and for all those botched interactions that are bound to happen, etc.) So there is really no rush to lock down the first decent guy you can find…especially because you can easily approach more than one good looking guy in any given day right? So by that logic, your bound to find at least one person who is completely perfect for you in the next 3-5 years with a huge margin for error and time to relax and take days off.
So while the number of people you need to approach in order to find the perfect one maybe high, and a little (or a lot) overwhelming when you think of it as a lump sum, when you break it down over time and figure it into your daily life in a couple/few simple approaches on days when you have the time, its not such a big deal, and really adds up over time. Why, I lead an extremely busy life and certainly do not have the time or ability to practice this on a daily basis. However in the past 3 months I have done over 250 approaches! (Yup I keep track of them, I’m a social scientist remember, so I keep a log of everything I do and all the data I collect, in order to ensure that I have this all down to a science for your benefit!) And what has this kind of lead generation allowed me to do? This has allowed me to form healthy friendships with women whose phone numbers I got who things did not end up working out romantically with, this has allowed me to go out on a handful of first dates every month, and have a couple nice female suitors who I have gone out on multiple dates with. I have not found “The One” yet, but I have cultivated an abundant social life, so I know that I am well on my way, and that if I keep practicing this, I may very well meet her in the next year or two. However the more abundant my social life becomes, the higher I find my standards becoming, and I am certainly in no rush to get married or anything, and that is a healthy mentality to have.
So don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking of the big picture. Instead, simply vow to approach at least one person a day on average, ideally more than that (hell, in a perfect world, you’d be approaching everyone you found attractive right? haha but again, you don’t have to overwhelm yourself here, you do need to put in effort in order to find love, but we can make it somewhat easy). This may be difficult at first, if you are not used to it, but like with doing anything new, the more you do it the more familiar it feels and the easier it becomes. So just do it! (no, that was not a nike reference haha, don’t sue me nike!).
When it starts to feel more comfortable you can even turn it into a game, by putting some rules on it, like that you will approach the most attractive person you see on any given day. Or that you will approach at least every other attractive person you can see. And you’ll realize how much fun you were missing out on all those years you were living such a socially limited life!
BECAUSE SOCIALIZING IS FUN!!! (And Healthy.)
And what do you say to all of these people when you approach them, you are probably wondering?
Well, why not just say something like “Hey/Excuse me…I saw you passing by (or doing X) and you looked like you might be interesting so I thought I’d come say Hi. I’m (insert your name here).”
Simple as that! Doesn’t sound that hard does it? As a matter of fact…it even sounds…pleasant, doesn’t it?
“Well what if they reject me.” You are probably wondering….
My answer to that?
What, you mean, reject you for being a genuine, friendly, complimentary person who had the confidence and charisma to come meet them and try to have some sort of meaningful interaction in a completely sober state??…well if they really do reject you out of some sort of bad social mentality, then they really are not the type of person you wanted to be interacting with anyways, are they? And you know that now, and its better to have approached someone and found out that they were an anti-social asshole than to have not approached at all isn’t it? But honestly, most of the time that you will approach someone and it doesn’t turn into a date, won’t be because they are an asshole, but because of some logistical reason like them being in a hurry or being preoccupied with something, already being in a relationship or having just gotten out of one and not currently looking for one, etc etc. So don’t worry about it not going well, if you are genuinely friendly and cool they will usually be friendly and cool back.
So what are you waiting for?!?! Go start generating leads!!
And if you are interested in learning the science of approach logistics and systematized approach methods for any set of circumstances, and countless opening strategies for almost any situation, be sure to check out my “Venusian Arts Approach and Opening Master Class”, to ensure that nothing is ever left up to chance and you know exactly how to start a conversation with any attractive stranger you may ever encounter! Which is an absolutely amazing resource to have!!!
And otherwise, good luck cultivating the love life of your dreams!!
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